Eddie Jokes / Recent Jokes
Eddie's father called up to him,' Eddie, if you don't stop playing that trumpet I think I'll go crazy!' Eddy replied,' I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour ago.'
Eddie lived next door to a beautiful blonde named Julie.
One evening, as he was driving home from work, he noticed his neighbor's house was on fire. When he got closer, he saw Julie standing in the yard, watching the blaze.
Stopping his car and getting out, he rushed over to her. "Julie, your house is on fire!" he exclaimed.
"Yes, I know," a calm Julie replied.
"Well, aren't you going to do anything?" Eddie inquired.
"Nah, let it burn," Julie said. "I have enough lumber in the attic to build a new one."
Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel."
Eddie visits his church to confess. He sits down in the confessional and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have used foul language, and took the Lord's name in vain." The priest says, "It's OK son. Tell me what happened." Eddie says, "Well father, I was golfing with my buddy. We're very competitive.
It was the 18th hole and we were tied. His tee shot went straight down the fairway and my tee shot went into the rough."
The priest says, "Oh I see, you were angry with your shot and cursed." "No father, I didn't curse at that time. My buddy's next shot reached the green, my next shot went into the sand."
The father chuckles and says, "Well, one can see why you were angry then. Is this when you took the Lord's name in vain?" "Not then father. My shot from the sand landed 2 inches from the cup.
So close!"
The priest says, "Oh my. I see why you were so angry.
So that's when more...
REAL LIFE STORY NUMBER 2
On the morning show at WBBM FM in Chicago, IL they play a game for prizes, usually vacations and such, called "Mate Match." The DJ's ring someone at work and ask if they are married or in a serious relationship. If yes, then this person is asked 3 very personal questions that vary from couple to couple and asked for their significant others name and work phone number. If the significant other answers correctly then they are winners. This particular day (12-9-98) it got interesting:
DJ: Hey! This is Eddie on WBBM. Do you know "Mate Match"?
Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.
DJ: What's your name? First only please.
Contestant: Brian
DJ: Are you married or what Brian?
Brian: Yes.
DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean you're married or what? Brian?
Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes, I'm married.
DJ: Thank you Brian. OK, now, what's your more...
Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman". "Oh yeah", said Eddie. "And how did this one end"? "When it was over", Harvey replied. "She came crawling to me on her hands and knees". "Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say"? "She said,' Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!'"