Eddie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Eddie's father called up to him,' Eddie, if you don't stop playing that trumpet I think I'll go crazy!'
Eddy replied,' I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour ago.'

Pitcher Bill Werle got Bill Nicholson to hit a high infield popup in front of the mound. As trained, he called for an infielder to make the play. "Eddie's got it! Eddie's got it!," he yelled.Then, he watched the ball fall untouched as catcher Eddie Fitzgerald, first baseman Eddie Stevens and third baseman Eddie Bockman looked on.

Let's just say that in the movie version of your life, you'd be played by Pauly Shore.
Your idea of "conquering Deep Blue" involves employing your gastro-intestinal system to attack the Tidy Bowl man.
The computer: A highly sophisticated electronic brain from IBM. You: A highly intoxicated electrician from NJ.
Before moving your queen, you insist on consulting Eddie Murphy.
Computer: lauded by scientists for its ability to calculate millions of chess moves per minute. You: lauded by fraternity buddies for your ability to pass gas and burp simultaneously.
You can't make a single move without thinking of huge juicy shrimp.
In your circle, "castling" means holing-up in your trailer with an AK-47 and a bottle of bourbon.
Your "garlic breath" strategy fails to intimidate this particular opponent.
Your populist leanings always result in you inciting your pawns to wipe out their own king and queen.
Kasparov's idol: Bobby more...

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat." What animal is this?" she asked. "A cat!" said Eddie." Good job! Now, what is this animal?" "A dog!" said Eddie." Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of aDeer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,"It's what your mom calls your dad." "A horny bastard," called out Eddie.

Eddie, Columbia, Frank and Rocky arrive at Heavens gates and are met by St Peter. "My children" said Peter "You have all lived very sinful lives but as your deaths were so untimely you can return to earth. But remember, if you indulge in any sins of the flesh you will go to Hell."

Everyone agreed and in a flash they were back on earth.

Unfortunately, the second they came to life, Eddie and Columbia fell into each other arms in a passionate embrace. The ground under them open up and swallowed them up.

Rocky and Frank carried on down the road a few miles when Rocky saw a $20 bill on the ground bends over to pick it up.

The ground open and Frank disappears.

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastro-enteritis specialist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a colour diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote,' HE'S GOING TO STICK A 17, 000 FEET LONG TUBE UP YOUR BEHIND!'*
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called' MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of our enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my more...