Education Jokes / Recent Jokes

NEW LANGUAGES BEING TAUGHT IN AMERICA
Afro-American Speak - Ebonics (or We-Beonics) Irish-American Speak - Leprechaunics Native-American Speak - Kimosabics Italo-American Speak - Spumonics (or Rigatonics) Chinese-American Speak - Won-tonics Japanese-American Speak - Mama-san-ics Polish-American Speak - Kielbasanics Jewish-American Speak - Zionics Russian-American Speak - Rasputonics Spanish-American Speak - Flan-ics Scottish-American Speak - Tartan-ics Eskimo-American Speak - Harpoonics German-American Speak - Autobaunics (or Teutonics) Candain-American Speak - EH? onics Florida Democratic Voters Speak - Moronics

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a
young engineer fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you looking
for?"
The engineer replied, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending
on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks
vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching
retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years
- say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer replied, "Well Yeah, but you started it."

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.
This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what and we'll get back you-know-when.
Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible.
I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.
HI. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the more...

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, "Mr. Nichols - what is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?"

"Elation."

"And you sir, how about the opposite of woe?"

"I believe that would be giddy up..."

There is a kid I saw at school today that was so short, that I popped a boner and it poked him in the eye!

A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher.

She was going around in turn asking them all questions.

"Davy, what noise does a cow make?"

"It goes moo, miss"

"Alice, what noise does a cat make?"

"It goes meow, miss"

"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"

"It goes baaa, miss"

"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"

"Errr.., it goes.. click!"

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, want to play house?"

He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"

The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your feelings."

"Communicate my feelings?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means."

The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."