Effect Jokes / Recent Jokes

In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife.
[sound effect: Heeeeee-YAH!, smashing box of kleenex]
But this method doesn't work with a telephone call...
[sound effect: dial tone]
Introducing the all-new GINSU answering machine! It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices your incoming calls!
How much would you pay?
Don't answer, because if you leave your name and number when you hear the tone, we'll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!
[Theme from "Indiana Jones" in the background.]
You've reached the residence of John and Tom. We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator. Please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you.
[Theme from "Indiana Jones" continues until the beep.]

Five Scandinavian men were going to prove who was man enough to endure a really hot sauna. One of the men was an electrical engineer and wired the benches such that if your butt left the surface, an alarm would sound, ending the contest for the unlucky participant.
The ambient temperature of the sauna was set to rise from 80 degrees Celsius in half-degree increments every minute. In 40 minutes, it would be at 100 degrees, the boiling point of fresh water. A device was created so that water was poured onto the hot rocks at a rate of about 30 milliliters (one ounce) every minute. It was going to be a pressure cooker.
To keep things fair, the men were completely undressed. They drew straws to see who would sit where on the top bench. Closer to the rocks was a slight disadvantage - the one sitting there would get the steam a full 1/2 second before the last person.
It started off well. The men were joking, but soon it got seriously warm. It wasn't long before the highest part more...

I found the following report, from a ship's master, printed in the August
1987 edition of The Log journal - its exact history is unclear but I
think you might find it amusing.
Reproduced with permission.
It is with regret and haste that I write this letter to you, regret that
such a small misunderstanding could lead to the following circumstances,
and haste in order that you will get this report before you form your own
pre-conceived opinions from reports in the world press, for I am sure that
they will tend to overdramatise the affair.
We had just picked up the pilot and the apprentice had returned from
changing the 'G' flag for the 'H' and, it being his first trip, was having
difficulty rolling the 'G' flag up, I therefore proceeded to show him how.
Coming to the last part, I told him to "let go," the lad although willing is
not too bright, necessitating my having to repeat the order in a sharper
tone.
At this more...

The Teabagging
The all time classic manoeuvre of tapping your cock on a chick's forehead whilst she is sucking on your balls, and uttering the timeless phrase "Who's Your daddy?"
The Houdini
Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to come, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you have. When she turns around a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering how you managed it.
The Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up look like an angry dragon.
Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch
The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to give her a large cold bottle of your favourite carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down.
Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way more...