Eggs Jokes / Recent Jokes

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

61. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.


62. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.


63. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".


64. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilised.


65. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilised.


66. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.


67. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.


68. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.


69. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who was disappointed when she got her driver's license?
A: The instructor gave more...

Santa: banta, if you will tell me what's in my basket then all the eggs will be your's and if you'll tell me how many eggs are there all the eight eggs will be yours and if you'll tell me which animal has laid those eggs then that hen will also be your's. Banta: it's a very hard question. please give me a hint.

Why do we paint Easter eggs? Because its easier than trying to wallpaper them!

Betty and Bob have been back from their honeymoon for two weeks when Bob came home from work saying he'd invited four friends from the office home for dinner on Friday.

Betty is a bit apprehensive as she asks if she must cook a meal for them all. Bob explains that there will actually be eight coming, as each has a spouse or date. Since this is her first party, he consoles her by saying that all she has to do is get some Chinese food in and perhaps she can bake a cake.

This sounds like a good idea, and they sit down and decide what Chinese food to get. Friday morning wife calls the office in tears. She explains that the only cake recipe she has will only feed six. Hubby says, "why don't you just double the recipe?" She decides that is a good idea. At four, hubby gets another phone call-this time quite frantic. "I just can't do it," wifely weeps. "It's impossible." "Now, now, what's the matter?" "Well, their recipe calls more...

A man was staying over at a farmer's house for the night.
However, the farmer warned: "My daughter is sleeping in the room next door. I'm going to put a wall of eggs around her bed to make sure that you don't go near her, understand?"
The man nodded weakly, for she saw the daughter and noticed she was very beautiful.
That night, the man crept into the daughter's room, and sure enough, there was a wall of eggs surrounding her bed. Alas, the daughter's beauty was too much for the man, and he pushed through the wall of eggs and made love to her.
Once they were finished, the man took out a mop and cleaned the mess up. He then used super glue to glue the eggs back together and restack them. He then went back to his room.
The next day, the farmer inspected the wall of eggs. He congratulated the man and celebrated with an egg feast. But when he took an egg off the wall and cracked it open, nothing came out.
The farmer groaned, "Not again."

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution. "Great idea!" the chicken cried. "Let's offer them ham and eggs?" "Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."