Eight Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Jewish couple won twenty-million dollars in the lottery.
They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury.
They bought a magnificent mansion estate in Southampton and surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable.
They then decided to have a butler and, wanting the best, they traveled to London to hire one. They found the perfect butler through an agency and brought him back
to their estate.
The day after his arrival, they instructed him to set up the dining room table for four, that they were inviting the Cohens to brunch.
The couple then left the house to do some shopping. When they returned, they found the table set for eight. They asked the butler why eight, when they had specifically instructed him to set the table for four. The butler replied, "The Cohens telephoned and said
they were bringing the Bagels and the Knishes."

Q: What has four legs and eight arms? A: A pit-bull terrier at a children's play area.

Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea."I call my man 'Eight,' " said the first woman, "Because he's got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day."The second woman said in response, "I call my man 'Ten'because his dongis ten inches long, and we do it ten times every night."The first woman then asked the third woman "What do you call your man?"She answered " 'Creme de Menthe.' ""Why? Isn't' that a liqueur?" the other two wanted to know."Yep, it is," said the woman, continuing, "yeah, you betcha!"

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e. g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.
The minor residents, i. e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts more...

A Marketing Manager got married to a woman who had previously been married eight times. On his wedding night, his wife informed him that she was still a virgin. This puzzled the Marketing Manager since after eight marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomena. Her comments were as follows,"My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms,' It's gonna be great!'My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation. My third husband was from Field Service who constantly said that everything was diagnostically' okay', but he just couldn't get the system up. My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said,' Those who can... do; Those who can't... teach.'My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department who said that he had more...

The Indians and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the India team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant`s finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the Indian team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the Indian team. So as race day neared again the following year, the Indian team`s management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance more...

Two young brothers are getting ready for bed. The eleven year old announces to his younger brother that he's going to use a swear word the next day. He thinks it will be fun and bring some excitement to their lives. The eight year old decides that he too will use a swear word the next day.
The eleven year old decides to use "hell"; the eight year old decides to use "ass".
The next morning their mother asks the eleven year old what he wants for breakfast.
"Well, hell," says the eleven year old, I'll have some Cheerios."
The mother goes ballistic upon hearing this bad word and launches into a five minute tirade on the evils of using bad words.
When she finally settles down, she turns to the eight year old and asks him what he wants for breakfast.
"You can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!" he tells her.