Elections Jokes

The best way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: more...

It was two weeks past elections, when all through Palm Beach. Only lawyers were stirring, the blood sucking leech. The ballots were held to the light with great care, in hopes that a dot or a dimpled be there.

The voters were nestled all snug in their beds, while nightmares of pregnant chads danced in their heads. And Bush back in Austin, and Gore in DC, had just rattled the courts over votes absentee.

When out on the beach there arose such a clatter, the counters stopped counting to see whats the matter. Away to the shore lawyers flew like a flash, the out of state protesters started to clash.

When what to our wondering eyes was bestowed, but Air Force One and eight interns in tow. What came off the plane gave us all quite a chill, we knew in a moment twas our buddy Bill.

More buxom than hookers, his courses they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by name. Now Bambi, Now Suzie! Now Candy and Tasha! On Cassie! On Dana! On more...

...amid reports of corruption and voter fraud, the UN has sent a delegation to Kabul to verify the Afghanistan elections results. The UN council found no evidence of tampering or voter fraud and have certified Hamid Karzai as the winner with approximately 115% of the vote.

A Washington Post/ABC News poll reveals that more than 80% of Americans favor major changes in the way elections are conducted.
Chage number one BETTER CANDIDATES!