Elephant Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.
The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?
Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him - I was just trying to trip him up."
Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.
Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.
Q: What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant? (Stup-pid, fuul, idyut!)
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: Why did more...
It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. They were an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.
The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!"
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink water, etc. without getting wet!"
Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me!"
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a distance."
The hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger hole or smaller eggs."
Spoiled Mother
A mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother, "What's that?"
"That's the elephant's tail," she replies.
"No, under the tail," says the youngster.
The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, "Oh, nothing."
The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question. His father looks and says, "That's the elephant's penis, son."
"So, why did mum say it was nothing?" asks the boy.
The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."
At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in.The toad says "Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis.""I've told you animals, I can't help you with any big problems," responds the wizard. "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz."So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad."Oh wizard," the elephant begins, "please help me. I was born without a trunk."Now the wizard is infuriated. "Don't you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!"The elephant responds "But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?""Oh that's easy," says the wizard. "Just follow the yellow dicked toad!"
Why do elephants eat raw food? Because they dont know how to cook!