Elevator Jokes / Recent Jokes

Gags for the Office Drone Run one lap around the office at top speed
Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other 'no-player'must be in the bathroom at the time)
Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way"
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. THREE-POINT GAGS Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers
Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all more...

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?A: They don't know the route.

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

She says: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you"

The boyfriend says: "Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"

"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
Roses

There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling up to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!"

1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a more...

A woman was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After
many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else
imaginable, and hearing both her children asking for everything
they saw on those many shelves, this woman finally made it out of
the store and to the elevator with her two kids.
She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season
time of the year: Overwhelming pressure to go to every party,
every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, get
that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list,
make sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure
of making sure we respond to everyone who sends us a card. Not to
mention, getting the kids everything they ask for.
Finally the elevator doors opened--there was already a crowd in
the car. This woman pushed her way into the car and dragged her
two kids in with her, along with all her bags of more...

During the winter of 1970-71 I worked as a janitor at a county courthouse in Upstate New York (it was Binghamton for those who care for the specifics). One of my tasks was to run the elevator - an old manual one with a lever to make it go up and down and not many safety features so you could stop it between floors for the fun of it.
Here is the sign I placed in that elevator during the holiday season:
"We wish you felicitations concomitant with your observance of the season and many propitious initions during the forthcoming twelvemonth."