Elvis Jokes / Recent Jokes

Could Godzilla, the King of Monsters and Elvis, The King, be one and the same?
Nickname:
Godzilla: King of Monsters
Elvis: King of Rock
Year Career Started:
Godzilla: 1954
Elvis: 1954
Species:
Godzilla: Giant lizard
Elvis: Giant lounge lizard
Social Order:
Godzilla: Hangs with freaks
Elvis: Had (has?) Michael Jackson for son-in-law
Famous bug battles:
Godzilla: Fought giant caterpillar Mothra
Elvis: Outlasted the Beatles
Vocal quirks:
Godzilla: Terrible dubbing of his movies
Elvis: Never could lip-synch
Eating habits:
Godzilla: Would eat anything
Elvis: Would eat anything fried
Attire:
Godzilla: Played by fat man in rubber suit
Elvis: Was fat man in polyester suit
Alien encounters:
Godzilla: Traveled past Jupiter for Godzilla vs. Monster Zero
Elvis: Was believed to be aboard alien spacecraft on Independence Day
Crusades:
Godzilla: Fought pollution in Godzilla vs. Smog more...

One day brittany spears walked into a hotel and asked the clerk if there was a room available, and he sayd yes, but its haunted. She sayd, thats fine im brave. and got the key and went upstairs. later that night, when she was brushing her teeth, she heard a tiny voice saying "when the log rools over we will all be dead". She got so scared that she ran to the window jumped out and died. Next day Tom Cruise came to the hotel and asked if there was a room available. the clerk sayd, yes but its haunted. Tom sayd thats fine, im brave. SO he went up to the room. That night when he was just getting into bed, he heard this voice saying "When the log rolls over we will all be dead".
he got so scared he ran to the window and jumped out and died. the next morning Elvis Presly came to the hotel(dosnt matter that it was a completely different era) and asked for a room. The clerk sayd sure but its haunted. Elvis sayd thats fine, im brave, and went up to the room. that night more...

Generation X Office Lingo

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.

Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

Ego Surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on, looking for references to one's own name.

Elvis Year: The peak year of something's or someone's popularity.' Barney the Dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993.'

404: Someone who's clueless.' Don't bother asking him; he's 404.' From the WWW error message' 404 Not Found', meanig the requested document couldn't be located.

Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.

Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's more...

Elvis vs. Jesus
Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22: 39)
Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)
Jesus is the Lords's shepherd.
Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
Jesus was part of the Trinity.
Elvis' first band was a trio.
Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14: 25)
Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)
Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
Jesus was resurrected.
Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink."(John 7: 37)
Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)
Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights.
Elvis had irregular eating habits. (e. g. 5 banana splits for breakfast)
Jesus is a Capricorn. (December 25)
Elvis is a Capricorn. (January 8)
Matthew was one of Jesus' many biographers. (The more...

...Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich attended the Illinois state fair where he did a karaoke impression of Elvis. His supporters were glad to see Blago do the "early" Elvis impression when he sang "Hound Dog." His detractors were hoping to see Blago do the "late" Elvis impression where he would be in a box six feet under.

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Elvis!
Elvis who?
Elvis-eeing you around soon!

This a new month. Which means it's time to once again look at the things people do in search of a buck. Yep, it's Weird Business News.
Our Best Stock Symbol Award this time to Schlotzsky's, the Austin-based sandwich shop chain. You can find its price on the Nasdaq listings under BUNZ.
The Best Millennium Event for Elvis Fans - the 1999 Millennium Elvis Week Aug. 8 through 16 at Memphis, in which Elvis will be recognized - albeit by the people who make and sell his records - as the "Artist of the Century."
Our It Sounds Dirty Even If It Isn't Award to Douglas R. Nappi, a vice president for government relations at the New York Stock Exchange. Nappi was complaining about those who hack into sites that provide stock quotes without paying for the service. Nappi calls it "quote sucking."
The One Million and One Uses for Duct Tape Award to former astronaut and U.S. Sen. John Glenn. In a recent speech in Avon, Ohio, Glenn revealed that astronauts have used more...