Elvis Jokes / Recent Jokes

You Might Be A Redneck If...
- you were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.
- you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
- your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
- you no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your nose.
- you think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
- that billboard that says, "Say No To Crack" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
- your wife's hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.
- you go to your family reunions looking for a date.
- you think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
- your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
- you've got more than three cousins named "Bubba".
- you have an Elvis Jell-O mold.
- taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
- you've got more than one other named "Darryl".
- you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin' contest.
- on more...

Continued from Do you (_) own or (_) rent your mobile home?
(Check appropriate box)
Total number of vehicles you own: ___
Number of vehicles that still crank: ___
Number of vehicles in front yard: ___
Number of vehicles in back yard: ___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: 196_
Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; If no, please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun
Number of times you've seen a UFO: _____
Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis: _____
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO: _____
How often do you bathe:
(_) Weekly
(_) Monthly
(_) Not Applicable
Color of more...

Q: What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?A: "Boy, that's a relief. I thought she married a black guy!"

Arkansas Governor Application First name: ___________________Last name(if known): _______________________Address (where you live): Mother's name(list also relation, i. e., sister): __________________Birthdate(yours): ____________________Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck: ____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies? __________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name: __________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is more...

You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

ather O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late.

He hops on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, "Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead Elvis! How have you been?"

Father looks at her and says, "Get outta me face. Can't you see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing like Elvis." The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab and he's a little upset so he tells the cabby, "Take me to my hotel and step on it."

The cabby turns and says, "Sure thing sir - Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I'm your number one fan! It's so great to see more...

What's the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde? Elvis has been sighted.