Elvis Jokes / Recent Jokes

From rough draft of my Top Stories of 1994 Article:
The Chunnel, a $13.3 billion underwater tunnel between England and France, opens for business. Inexplicably, passengers arrive in Paris, but their luggage winds up in the luggage carousel at the new Denver International Airport.
Paula Corbin Jones accuses President Clinton of directing state troopers to lure her into an Arkansas hotel room where he lewdly dropped his trousers and said "it's clear you want me, cupid." Clinton admits to being in the hotel room, but claims all he said was "it's the economy, stupid."
Fighting sexual harassment charges, Oregon Senator Bob Packwood refuses to hand over his diaries to the Senate Ethics Committee. He partially capitulates, agreeing to surrender seventeen boxed and indexed sets of his "Letters to Penthouse."
Francisco Martin Duran fires 20-30 shots at White House. Fortunately, President Clinton is upstairs watching a football game. Unfortunately, more...

REDNECK DRIVERS LICENSE APPLICATION
Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.
Last name:______________
First name:______________
(_) Billy-Bob (_) Bobby-Sue
(_) Billy-Joe (_) Bobby-Jo
(_) Billy-Ray (_) Bobby-Ann
(_) Billy-Sue (_) Bobby-Lee
(_) Billy-Mae (_) Bobby-Ellen
(_) Billy-Jack (_) Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
(_) Badd-Teddy Bob
Age:_____(if unsure, guess)
Sex: (_)M (_)F (_)None
Shoe Size:______Left_____Right
Occupation:
(_) Farmer (_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser (_) Waitress
(_) Un-employed (_) Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name:_________________
2nd Spouse's Name:______________
3rd Spouse's Name_______________
Lover's Name:___________________
2nd Lover's Name:_______________
Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister (_) Aunt
(_) Brother (_) Uncle
(_) Mother (_) Son
(_) Father (_) Daughter
(_) Cousin (_) Pet
Number of children living in household:_____
Number of children living in more...

NAME: ___________________________________ C.B. HANDLE: ____________________ ADDRESS: (R.F.D. - H.C.R.) _________________________________________________ DADDY (If unknown, attach list of 3 suspects): _____________________________ MAMA: ______________________________________________________________________ NECK SHADE: ( ) LIGHT RED ( ) MEDIUM RED ( ) DARK RED NUMBER OF TEETH EXPOSED IN FULL GRIN: _______ UPPER: _______ LOWER: _______ MAKE OF PICKUP OWNED: _____________________ SIZE OF TIRES: ________________ NUMBER OF EMPTY BEER CANS ON FLOOR OF PICKUP: ______________________________ TRUCK EQUIPPED WITH: ( ) GUN RACK ( ) MUD FLAPS ( ) CAMPER TOP ( ) AIR HORN ( ) 8 TRACK ( ) 4 WHEEL DRIVE ( ) AMERICAN FLAG ( ) RUST ( ) FUZZ BUSTER ( ) LOAD OF WOOD ( ) HIJACK SHOCKS ( ) MUD TIRES ( ) SPITTOON ( ) RUNNING BOARDS ( ) C.B. ANTENNAS ( ) ROLL BAR BUMPER STICKERS: ( ) HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY ( ) HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS ( ) ALMOST HEAVEN, BUCKSPORT ( ) SNATCH KISSES AND VICE VERSA ( ) OLD FART ( ) more...

Elvis is dead, Mozart is dead, Einstein is dead, and I'm not feeling so great myself.