Emergency Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dad's pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him--lights flashing. Dad hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call. Within seconds, came the police officer's hand in response, dangling a pair of handcuffs out the window.
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide" the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off???"
"No silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6, 000. 00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest.
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000. 00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
During emergency landing training, I asked my flight instructor how to handle a night emergency.
He said, "Same way. Set up for maximum glide as you look for a place to set it down. Just before you land, turn on your landing light. If you like what you see, go ahead and land.
If you don't like what you see, turn off the landing light."
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of theworld's tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cablesnaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. The emergency brakes don't work, the emergency phonedoesn't work, and they both begin to panic. The woman screams "We're going to die!", rips of all herclothes, throws herself on the floor and says to the man"make me feel like a woman again!" So, he pulls off his jacket, throws it on the floor, andsays "pick that up, bitch."
Josh was helping Cheryl, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Cheryl what it was for.
She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."
Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"
Cheryl replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."
Hurry!" the doctor commanded his teenage daughter, "Put my stethoscope and medicine box in my car. That was an emergency call from someone who says he will die if I do not turn up immediately."
"Papa, that call was not for you but for me," replied the girl saucily.