Emergency Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee
listening to the weather report coming over the radio.
"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the
streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Jeez, okay."
Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of
morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Jeez, okay."
Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of
coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest more...

A lawyer who works in Texas gets a call about an emergency which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time. He has no time to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife he is going.
The maid answers the call, but is rather hesitant about putting his wife on the phone. After quite a bit of insisting, she admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman!
The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of course there's this emergency to take care of. So instead, he tells the maid to go get the gun from the desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman.
She protests of course! The lawyer then explains that under Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous wife and her lover. Using all his powers of persuasion, he finally convinces her to do it. She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears the sound of two gun shots, a scream, some loud thumps and, finally, two splashes.
The maid comes back to the phone. The more...

An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now." An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed." Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department." On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!" A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: "Smile, You're on Radar!" Seen in a State Park in California: "Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now." An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed." Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department." On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer more...

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times.

"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent."

The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent."

Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!"

According to “The Australian, ” an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight.
The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign.
The vibration stopped immediately.
A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance teams response times. Since we installed our new satellite navigation system, bragged one, weve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.

Not bad, the second paramedic commented. But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.

Thats nothing said the third paramedic. Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, weve cut our emergency response time in half!

Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: They can't remember the number.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: "What's a lightbulb?"
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Q: How do you get rid of blondes?
A: Form a circle, give each blonde a gun, and tell them they are a firing squad.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: None of them, two don't more...