Empty Jokes / Recent Jokes
A solution to all of your drinking troublesSymptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet. Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect. Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear. Fault: Glass is empty. Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom: Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Loss of self-control. Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training. Symptom: Bar blurred. Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass. Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom: Bar swaying. Fault: Air turbulence unusually high - more...
In A Party One Of Zail Singh's Friends Asked Him How Many Chappathis He Could Eat In An Empty Stomach. Zail Replied "Seven". Then His Friend Told Him "When U Eat The First Chappathi Your Stomach Is No Longer Empty. Then How Can U Eat Seven? ?". Zail Was Impressed By This Tricky Question. So As Soon As He Went Back Home He Asked His Wife " How Many Chappathis Can You Eat In An Empty Stomach? ?".
She Replied "Five". Then Zail Told " Shit!! If Only You Had Told Seven I Had A Nice Reply For It"
Santa Cluase was arrested yesterday because he blew-up a chlidren's hospital. HE said he did it because he was tired of them damn kids asking for a poney and a bike.Why cant they just ask for a barbie or a toy car like every other kid, and when i get to there place there is no food for me there is a empty plate with crumbs on it and an empty glass with a drop of milk.So I get mad.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop.
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral.
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead.
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? - You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away.
7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back.
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Any More!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In.
10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In.
11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink.
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
14. Giving Back to the Community: more...
Posts empty articles to Usenet, and enjoys rereading them later.
Prefers three left turns to one right turn.
Pressure's up, but there's a slow leak somewhere.
Produces a zero-length core dump.
Proof God has a sense of humor.
Proof of Einstein's theory that there is no limit to human stupidity.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Put a lens in each ear and you've got a telescope.
Puts a finger in his ear so the draft through his head isn't annoying.
Putting his brain on the edge of a razor blade would be like putting a pea on a six lane highway.
Qualifies for the mental express line -- five thoughts or less. -- MacNelly
Quotes entire letters/articles as responses and hides her one line of wisdom in the middle.
Racing fifty yards with a pregnant woman, he'd come in third.
Reading from an empty/blank/unformatted disk.
Reads her more...
An unmarried Rabbi is on an empty train when a sexy, beautiful woman walks into his empty carriage, carrying a foot long, BLT, Subway sandwich and proceeds to sit down opposite him.
After twenty minutes of emabarrasingly trying to avoid looking at the sexy woman opposite the train comes to a sudden halt and a voice comes over the speakers explaining that the Five Minute Warning has just gone off and that soon the UK will be under nuclear attack.
Shocked at this dreadful and sudden news the Rabbi's thoughts quickly turn to the fact that he will probably be dead within the next five minutes. However instead of taking comfort from his faith and religious training he begins to consider all the things he never did and all the experiences he missed out on due to the religious life he chose to lead.
He quickly realises that he is going to die a virgin too, as he is quite a young Rabbi and he never married. Feeling close to despair at this thought and all the other opportunities more...