Empty Jokes / Recent Jokes

You might be a redneck if...
You keep a chainsaw in the trunk "just in case".
You've given your gun a woman's name.
Baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech tools.
You go to the post office to research your family tree.
You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.
You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.
Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.
You see a forest fire and think 'Bar-bee-Q'.
You've ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.
Your mother is hairier than your father.
Instead of flossing you use a plunger.
You take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way.
When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start all over again.
Your grandma can bench press a
truck axle.
You watch "The Dukes Of more...

A schoolboy came home with a pain in his stomach. “Well, sit down and eat your lunch, ” said his mother. “Your stomach is hurting because it is empty. It will be all right when you have got something in it. ” Shortly afterwards Dad came in from the office, complaining of a headache. “That’s because your head is empty, ” said his son, “You would be all right if you had something in it. ”

I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants their coffee black.

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at centre ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.

"No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"

The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head "No. They're all at the funeral."

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!"Who's been eating my porridge," he squeaks? Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge!," he roars? Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells -"For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?" "It was' Momma Bear' who got up first." "It was' Momma Bear' who woke everybody else in the house up." "It was' Momma Bear' who made the Coffee." "It was' Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away." "It was' Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper." "It was' Momma Bear' who set the table." "It more...

Familiarity breeds attempt.
Familiarity breeds children.
Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.
Fill what is empty; empty what is full; scratch where it itches.
For every "10" there are 10 "1's".
For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new, improved idiot will arise to overcome it.