Encyclopedia Jokes

FOR SALE: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

"Honey," said Mrs. Beldon to her husband, "Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia." "Encyclopedia, my eye!" exclaimed Beldon. "Let him walk to school like I did."

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After eating he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away. Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, "HEY YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!" The panda turns around and yells "Yes I can. Look me up in the encyclopedia!" So, the bartender looks up "Panda" in the encyclopedia, and it reads "Panda: increasingly rare species of bear that can be found in the eastern part of Asia. It eats shoots and leaves."

Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, "lawyer" is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is "dog." The second is "snake." And under snake, the encyclopedia says "See Lawyer."

"Honey," said Mrs. Beldon to her husband,"Lesters teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia." "Encyclopedia, my eye!" exclaimed Beldon. "Let him walk to school like I did."