Ending Jokes

Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.

God says the world is going to end, so he chooses three famous people to tell everyone. So, George Bush, Bill Gates, and Saddam Hussein come to see, him. God tells them that the world is going to end and tells them to tell their people. George Bush goes live on CNN and tells America, "Folks, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you were right all along, there is a God. The bad news is that he is ending the world." Saddam goes to tell all of his people of his encounter, "My people, I have some bad news and some worse news, the bad news is that those damn Americans were right all along, there is a God. The worse news is that he is ending the world." Then Bill Gates writes an e-mail to all of his friends and employees, "Hi people, Iv'e got some great news and even better news. The great news is that God thinks I am one of the most famous people on earth. The even better news is that we don't have to upgrade from Windows XP.

UPRIGHT PLAYERS
* Showing up before first downbeat $25
* Playing audibly $25
* Faking changes $25
* Slapping $150
* Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
* Excessive sweating $25
* Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
* Asking leader for a solo $30
* Accepting solo when offered $50
* Taking second chorus $100
* Playing solo arco $400
* Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
* Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
* Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500

Once Santa And Banta Try To Land An Airplane In The States. They Start Descending And As They Touch The Ground Santa Screams, The Runway Is Ending...". Banta Swiftly Gets The Plane Back Up In The Air... They Make A Big Turn And Start Descending Again. The Moment They Touch The Ground, Santa Screams Again "Get The Plane Up, The Runaway Is Ending...". This Goes On Again And Again... During Their Fourth Descent Santa Says: "Look At Those Stupid Americans, They Build This Huge & Expensive Airport But With Such A Short Runaway..", "I Know" Answers Banta, "But Look How Wide They Made It...."

God decided it was time to end the world, so he called together those
whom he
considered the three most influential people in the world - Bill
Clinton,
Fidel Castro and Bill Gates.
"The world will end," God told them. "You must go tell the people."
President Clinton made a live statement on CNN. "I have good news and I
have
bad news," he said. "The good news is that we have been right, there is
a
God. The bad news is that he is ending the world."
Castro sent out a worldwide message to all Communisits.
"I have bad new and worse news," he said. "The bad news is that we have
been
wrong all along, there is a God. The worse news is that he is ending the
world."
Bill Gates got on his computer and sent out a worldwide e-mail on the
Internet. "I have good news and I have better news," he wrote. "The good
news
is that God more...