Enemy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Friendly fire - isn`t.
Recoilless rifles - aren`t.
Suppressive fires - won`t.
You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
A sucking chest wound is Nature`s way of telling you to slow down.
If it`s stupid but it works, it isn`t stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
If at first you don`t succeed, call in an airstrike.
If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If your attack is going really well, it`s an ambush.
The enemy diversion you`re ignoring is their main attack.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they`re ready. when you`re not.
No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
There is no such thing as a perfect more...
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.
4. The easy way is always mined.
5. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
6. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
7. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: When you're ready for them. When you're not ready for them.
8. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
9. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
10. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
11. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
12. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
13. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
14. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
15. When in doubt empty the magazine.
16. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than more...
... and pledges not to move alone unless no one agrees with it
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Bowing to international pressure not to act unilaterally, the United States reversed course today and promised to consult with its allies before doing whatever the hell it was going to do anyway.
"Prior to taking action against any enemy nation, such as Iraq, we will confer with our allies, as well as other countries in that region," pledged U.S. President George W. Bush. "We will sit down with them. We will begin by explaining what our position is, and then we will...
"... no, wait. That's everything."
The announcement seemingly failed to address unease among world leaders that without their consent, U.S. action against Iraq will lead them all into a wider conflict. Bush, however, said his administration was well aware of international concerns, and would handle them internally.
Except for effect, the administration said its new stance more...
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.2. Incoming fire has the right of way.3. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.4. The easy way is always mined.5. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.6. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.7. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: When you're ready for them. When you're not ready for them.8. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at. 9. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.10. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.11. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.12. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.13. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.14. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.15. When in doubt empty the magazine.16. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.17. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing dothing.18. Make it too more...
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
In the days where tall, wooden ships sailed the high seas, there was this one ship
sailing during a war. That morning, the lookout shouted, "enemy ship on the horizon."
The captain said to hisensign, "Get me my red shirt." The ensign, rather bewildered
from this odd request, did as his captain ordered. Thought the battle was a long one,
the captain and his crew managed to fend off the enemy ship.
Later that day, the lookout shouted, "two enemy ships on the horizon." As before,
the captain said to his ensign, "Get me my red shirt." And, as before, the ensign
did as his captain asked. The battle took the rest of the day to fight, and managed
to defeat the two enemy ships.
That evening, the ensign asked his captain, "Sir, Why, before every battle, do you
ask for your red shirt." The captain replied, "Well, if I am wounded in battle, the
blood will not show and the crew will more...