Engineer Jokes / Recent Jokes
A group of mathematicians and a group of engineers are traveling together by train to attend a conference on mathematical methods in engineering. Each engineer has a ticket whereas only one of the mathematicians has one. Of course, the engineers laugh at the unworldly mathematicians and look forward to the moment the conductor shows up.
Suddenly one of the mathematicians shouts: "Conductor coming!"
All the mathematicians disappear into one washroom.
The conductor checks the ticket of each engineer and then knocks at the washroom door: "Your ticket, please."
The mathematicians stick the one ticket they have under the door, the conductor checks it and leaves. A few minutes later, when it is safe, the mathematicians come out of the washroom. The engineers are impressed.
When the conference has come to an end, the engineers decide that they are at least as smart as the mathematicians and also buy just one ticket for the whole group. This time more...
Once during a Management training program, a team of Senior Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So these Managers went out to the flagpole with ladders and tape.
They're falling off the ladders, dropping the measuring tape - the whole thing is just a mess.
An Engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers, Re-erects the flagpole and walks straight-away.
After the Engineer has gone, one Manager turns to another and laughs "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for height and he gives the length!"
Moral: No matter what good you do, Managers can always find fault in you.
A beautiful lady came to marry a senior IRSE officer. She told him that even though she was earlier married to four senior taffic officers of Eastern Railway, but she is virgin.The excited civil engineer who was a Sarderji holding a very high position in Indian Railway wanted to know the details before giving his consent. The lady narrated the following stories:
Husband No 1: He was COM of the Railway and wanted detail analysis of screwing to be by deputing TI, TDI and PWI before actually screwing.Joint note never came and he never fucked.
Husband No 2: He was CPTM.He could not finalise the time table of fucking
Husband No 3: Was CSO. He could not fuck because there was no provision in GR&SR.
Husband No 4: Was a CFTM-1 . He told that there is no indent.
After narrating her plight the gentle lady told the civil engineer " Darling you are already screwing the Railway. Now please screw me also."
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don`t know where I am."The man below says, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.""You must be an engineer," says the balloonist."I am," replies the man. "How did you know?""Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."The man below says, "You must be a manager.""I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?""Well," says the man, "you don`t know where you are, or where more...
An engineering student is walking on campus one day, when another engineer student rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
"Where did you get such a functional bike?" asked the first.
The second engineer replied: "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, spread her arms wide and said: "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly: "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U. S. scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "THAW THE CHICKEN!"
An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, "How do you feel?"
"How would you feel," the astronout replied, "if you were stuck here, on top of 20, 000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?"