Engineer Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate more...
Man: Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.
Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.
Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only
Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.
Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only.
Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.
Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first:
Doctor: OK. Tell me.
Man: I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a horse. I go to work running like a deer. I work all the day like a donkey. I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday. I wag my tail in front of all my bosses. I play with my more...
During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road, when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt, scraping along the mountainside.
The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement, find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "that will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down more...
If it wasn't for Thomas Alva Edison, we'd all be watching TV to the light of a candle.
A software engineer, hardware engineer and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing offguard rails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along the mountainside. The occupants of the car were unhurt, but they had a problem. They were stuck halfway down the mountain in a car with no brakes.
"I know" said the manager. "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and through a process of Continuous Improvement, find a solution to the Critical Problems and we'll be on our way."
"No," said the hardware engineer. "I've got my Swiss army knife with me. I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we'll be on our way."
"Wait," said the software engineer. "Before we do anything, shouldn't we push the more...
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean sitting side by side. The lawyer said, ‘’I'm here ’cause my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.'’ ‘’That’s quite a coincidence,'’ said the engineer, ‘’I'm here ’cause my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.'’ The lawyer pondered the engineer’s plight for a moment and, looking somewhat confused, asked, ‘’How do you start a flood?'’