Engineering Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What do you call it when a whole bunch of chemical engineers change schools? A: Mass transfer.
An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you got this beautiful bicycle?"
"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says' take what you want'."
The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
THE LAST WORD
The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.
Atomic Theory: A mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation. Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed. Instead, it has been demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend upon the color of the programmer's eyes, or occasionally upon the month of his or her birth. This apparent astrological connection, at last, vindicates the alchemist's view of astrology as the mother of all science.
Bacon, Roger: An English friar who dabbled in science and made experimentation fashionable. Bacon was the first science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad diets of the period.
Biological Science: A contradiction in more...
Three freshman engineering students were sitting around talking between classes, when one brought up the question of who designed the human body.
One of the students insisted that the human body must have been designed by an electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses.
Another disagreed, and exclaimed that it had to have been a mechanical engineer who designed the human body. The system of levers and pullies is ingeniuos.
"No," the third student said "your both wrong. The human body was designed by an architect. Who else but an architect would have put a toxic waste line through a recreation area?"
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections."The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
Engineering is like having an 8 a. m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
Always try to fix the hardware with software.
If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
Dilbert is not a comic strip, it's a documentary.
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.
With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.