Engines Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced, ‘One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don’t worry, we have three engines left. ’
Thirty minutes later, the Captain announced, ‘One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don’t worry, we have two engines left. ’ An hour later the Captain announced, ‘One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don’t worry we have one engine left. ’
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said, ‘If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day. ’
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
A large two engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.
Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.
The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."
While cruising at 36, 000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window.
"Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!"
Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.
The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn`t maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.
Each crew member attached the package to their backs.
"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "Aren`t those more...
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to
Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay in taking off,
owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.
(I presume that the other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!)
For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our
Stewardesses Bubbly and Goldie will be happy to brief you on more...
"Good morning, bapu and bibi jis. This is your very handsome captain welcoming you to Ranj-Jet Airways. Sorry we are four days late in taking off but I had to do some overtime at the bakery.
This is the ek, dho, five, sex flight to New Delhi. We cannot guarantee that we will end up in Delhi but rest assured it will be somewhere in the East. And if you are very lucky we may even be landing on your village! A real Punjabi will land where he wants to, isn't that right brothers!
Today we have 12 passengers on the plane - which is a bit of a problem because we only have 5 seats! Hmmm.
For safety reasons we will be counting all the passengers again during and after the flight. We have a very good record for safety. In fact we are so safe even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I am pleased to tell you that over 50% of our passengers end up at their destination. For those of you who don't make it, don't worry, our staff have lots of experience more...
A large two engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.Farther on down the line, the second engine broke down, and the train slowed to a dead stop. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."