England Jokes / Recent Jokes

Only in Merry Olde England
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on
account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had
him arrested.
When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in
such a manner. His reply was:
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She
sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then
she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments remove Swelling". I was even
more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William
Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the
fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would
have prevented more...

Queen Elizabeth, Bush and Chandrika all died and went to hell.
Queen Elizabeth said: "I miss England, I would be pleased to phone England and see how everybody is doing there"
So she called and talked for about 5 minutes.
Then she asked:
"Well devil, how much do I owe you?"
The devil: "A million pounds".
"A million pounds!!!????" & she made him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.
Bush was so jealous, he starts screaming, "Me too, I wanna Phone the USA, I wanna see how everybody is doing too. So He called and talked for about 2 minutes,
Then he asked:
"Well, devil how much do I owe you?"
The devil: "Two million dollars".
"Two million dollars!!!!!!???" & he Made him a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.
Chandrika was extremely jealous too. She starts screaming and screaming "I also want to phone Srilanka! I want to see how everybody is more...

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

A teacher walks into her classroom and turns to the children and says, Today kids im going to ask you what job your daddy has!
She turns to the first child and says, What job dose your daddy have tina??

She replies; he is a carpenter miss.

The teacher turns to the next child and repeats the question... the child says he is the head of a multi-organic food chain.
Very good indeed says miss.......... she turns to the next child and says. What job does your daddy have Robert??

He replies... He's a male prostitute miss; and demands 50 quid.

No, No, No your lying to me Robert i can tell!

Ok then miss you got me i confess.........................................
HE PLAYS RUGBY FOR ENGLAND BUT IM TO ASHAMED TO SAY!!!

Not far from Rank Xerox's office in Welwyn, England, there is a town called Hitchin. On one of the commonly used routes into Hitchin, there was a junction which often confused travellers, causing them to make a wrong turn. The resulting route was nine miles longer than the correct route into Hitchin.
This common mistake was sufficiently irritating that the local people wageda campaign to have a new signpost erected at the junction. After due process, the signpost was installed, and the local people showed up for the installation, holding a sort of mini-festival of celebration.
The local newspaper reported the event with the following headline: "A Hitchin Sign Saves Nine"

Dumbo is going to england. How will you make him sit on the middle seat? By telling him that only the middle seats are going
To england

Detroit, Oregon - A hunter thought he had found a severed human head in an abandoned mining shed and called the police. Deputy Larry Taylor realized it was just the head of a mannequin when he noticed a price sticker on the forehead.

Redondo Beach, California - After a short chase, officer Joseph Fonteno charged the driver of a white Mazda with DUI. The car had been driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the upper half of a traffic light pole laying across its hood. When Fonteno asked the drunk driver about the pole, he responded: "It came with the car when I bought it."

Australia - The Australian Police Journal reported that an elderly woman had already used about half of the powder in a custard packet when she discovered an object that appeared to be a large dead cockroach. However, when she brought it to the Health Department, food analysts determined it to be a dried-up human finger. The following investigation revealed that a factory worker had more...