England Jokes / Recent Jokes

During WWII a fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad so he the German doctor amputated his arm. He had a request that they would drop his arm over his base in England. So the Germans did. Then next week they amputated his other arm and he asked for the same thing. So the Germans did. The next week they amputated his leg and he again asked for them to drop it over his base in England. The German doctor replied, "Nein, Ve do dis no more!" The pilot asked why not, and the German answered, "Ve tink you trying to escape!" Aviation
Revenge "Dying Husband: Kethrine, please marry Peter after my death.
Wife: Why?
Husband: Because i want to take revenge from him.

Here is a collection of freshman history bloopers collected by a Canadian history professor (Anders Henrickson) over the years.
During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged. Church and state were cooperatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords and surfs. It is unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid out on a table before us, ready for dissection.
After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeoed into Europe, merchants appeared. Some were sitters and some were drifters. They roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organized big fairies in the countryside.
Mideval people were violent. Murder during this Period was nothing. Everybody killed someone. England fought numerously for land in France and ended up wining and losing. The Crusades were a series of military expaditions made by Christians seeking to free the holy land (the "Home Town" of Christ) from the Islams.
In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were more...

The idea of building a chunnel between France & England was conceived quite a few years back. I believe it goes as far as the days of Napoleon.
Now, the question was "How do we build the chunnel?"
One suggested "Well, one man starts digging in France, and one in England and they meet somewhere in the middle."
A question was raised "What if they don't meet?"
To which the first one replied "Well, we shall have two chunnels..."

NFL Team Lame Names

When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.

AFC West:

Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys

Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs

Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders

San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers

Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks

AFC Central:

Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels

Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns

Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers

Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers

AFC East:

Buffalo Bills - Buffalo Nils

Buffalo Spills

Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts

Miami Dolphins - Miami Stallfins

Miami Soft Ones

New England Patriots - New England more...

The kings of Spain, France, and England all stand on stage together in front of their nations all ready to see who of the three has the largest penis.The king of Spain takes his out and as they all see the impressive proportions all the Spanish people shout: "Viva Espania!"The king of France is next and as his is even larger, all the French scream: "Vive la France!"Next comes the king of England, and just as he drops his pants and takes his out, everyone exclaims: "God save the Queen!"

Once upon a time, a few years before all those nasty divorces, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of England and Lady Di were out for a drive in one of the Queen's Range Rovers. Suddenly some armed robbers leaped out of the bushes and stopped the car.

'Give us the money' they shouted at the Queen.

'But I'm the Queen of England, I have no need for money, thus I never carry any.'

'Oh, blimey', said the leader of the armed band, and turned to Lady Di.

'Give us yer jewels.'

'But I don't wear my jewels all the time, only on state occasions.'

The armed robbers looked fed up when suddenly they heard the sound of wailing sirens approaching.' Quick, out of the car. We'll have the Range Rover at least', and with that the robbers drove off.

As the Queen and Di are waiting for the police to get there, Di turns to the Queen, and asks:' So, what did you do to all the cash you had? You're always loaded.'

'Ah,' said the more...

It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by signaling extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signalled
without disturbing each other.
Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barke loudly, followed by a ringing telephone.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. A dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar.
2. The dog was receiving more...