England Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What`s the difference between England and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Q. Why has Kevin keegan banned his players from owning dogs?
A. Because they can`t hang onto a lead.
The Sultan of Brunei was getting a bit cheesed off as he had 6 children, all girls, and therefore had no son and heir. Imagine his joy then, when one of his wives presented him with his only son and heir.
Just before his son`s sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you". His son replied, "Daddy, I would like an aeroplane".
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him British Airways. Just before his son`s seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side.
"Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat".
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his more...
One day Lenny bragged to his friend Vinny that he was personally acquainted with some of the most famous people in the world.
"I'm a good friend of Steven Spielberg's," bragged Lenny.
"Prove it," said Vinny. "Let's see you call him on the phone."
A few minutes later Lenny was at a pay phone dialing a number. After a moment, Lenny handed the phone to Vinny as a voice on the other end said, "Hello, this is Steven Spielberg."
"That was a trick," said Vinny. "Next you're gonna tell me you know the Queen of England."
Once again, Lenny dialed a number and gave the phone to Vinny. "Hello, the Queen of England speaking!"
"I still don't believe you," said Vinny.
That night the President of the United States came to town to give a speech. Lenny and Vinny arrived early to get a seat, but the moment the President was introduced, Lenny more...
Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
So the other one could drive.
Why did the Siamese twins move to England? So the other one could drive.
Statement of fact (anti-English)
The alternative encyclopaedia of Scotland
E is for England
A small irrelevant country which, humourously, thinks itself important. The source of much jollity the world over, England is a strong contender for the Country You Most Love To Hate award. From Mandalay to Mauritius via Timbuktu and Tasmania, everyone hates England. Indeed, England has it within its grasp to bring about global unification just by declaring war on the world. Every nation on earth would unite in the fight.
Strange but true; the reason England thinks it is the centre of the universe is because it won the football {soccer in N America} World Cup in 1966. Though irritating, this would not have mattered too much if it had learned to shut up about it for five minutes. England also had an obscenely big empire which, again, was noteworthy only for how much it annoyed everyone else.
A common misconception is that England lost its empire because the uppity more...
Royal Penis Comparison The kings of Spain, France, and England all stand on stage together in front of their nations all ready to see who of the three has the largest penis.
The king of Spain takes his out and as they all see the impressive proportions all the Spanish people shout: "Viva Espania!"
The king of France is next and as his is even larger, all the French scream: "Vive la France!"
Next comes the king of England, and just as he drops his pants and takes his out, everyone exclaims: "God save the Queen!"