Entrance Jokes

Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer more...

College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version
Time Limit: 3 WKS
Name: _____________________________
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ A. build a bridge
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
___ A. Jewish
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Hindu
___ (d) Polish
___ (e) Agnostic
(check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
___ A. Westerners
___ (b) Southerners
___ (c) Northerners
9. Spell: Bush, more...

UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION (Time Limit: 3 Weeks)1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY4. What religion is the Pope? (please check only one answer) (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0. 0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5? 7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)8. What are people in America's far north called?(a) Westerners(b) Southerners(c) Northerners9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five. 11. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's more...

Submitted by Darcy

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud.

After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite.

The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 3 cases of soda
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?

Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the more...

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We’re over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That’s right. I’m an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You’re an FBI agent?
Agent: That’s correct. Just about more...