Envelopes Jokes / Recent Jokes

The widow
Becky`s husband dies. It was not until sometime after that Becky was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
"Sidney thought of everything," she told some friends. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside and handed me 3 envelopes."
"Becky," he told me, "I have put all my last wishes in these 3 envelopes. After I am gone, open them in sequence and do exactly as I have written. Only then can I rest in peace."
"What was in the 1st envelope?" her friends asked.
"It contained £5,000 with a note, ‘Please use this money to buy me a nice coffin’. So I bought a beautiful mahogany coffin for him."
"The 2nd envelope contained £10,000 with a note, ‘Please use this for a nice funeral’. I made Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favourite foods for the shiva, including some fine malt more...

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you dont think you can solve," he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wits end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him. About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product pro blems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the more...

The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3.He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third."The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them.Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast.After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for every thing". Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy.A few months later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the more...

The New Manager Walks Into His Office And, While Settling Into His New Desk, Finds 4 Envelopes. On One He Finds The Words "Open Me First," And The Others Are Numbered One To Three.

He Opens The First Envelope And Finds A Letter From His Predecessor Saying: "These Three Envelopes Will Save You A World Of Trouble. In Case Of Emergency, Please Open These Envelopes In Sequential Order; Envelope One First, Envelope Two Second, And Envelope Three Third."

The Manager Shrugs, Puts The Envelopes Back, And Forgets About Them.

Six Months Later, The Workers Go On Strike. The Company Closes, And Is Losing Money Fast.

After A Long Night Negotiating With The Union, He Remembers The 3 Envelopes. So He Opens The First One And It Says: "Blame Me, Your Predecessor For Every Thing."

Wonderful Idea He Thinks, And Indeed It Works And The Crisis Comes To Its End. His Job Is Saved, And Everybody's Happy.

A Year more...

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
"Sidney thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes.' Tillie,' he told me,' I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace'."
"What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked.
"The first envelope contained $5, 000 with a note,' Please use this money to buy a nice casket.' So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably."
"The second envelope contained $10, 000 with a note,' Please use this for anice funeral' I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending."
"And the more...

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been." Sidney thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes.' Tillie,' he told me,' I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace'." "What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked." The first envelope contained $5, 000 with a note,' Please use this money to buy a nice casket.' So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably." "The second envelope contained $10, 000 with a note,' Please use this for anice funeral' I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending." "And the third envelope?" more...

The
new manager walks into his office and, while settling
into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds
the words 'open me first,' and the other three are numbered
1 to 3.
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from
his predecessor saying:' These three envelopes will
save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency,
please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope
one first, envelope two second, and envelope three
third.'
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and
forgets about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company
closes, and is losing money fast.
After a long night negotiating with the union, he
remembers the 3 envelopes. Shoe opens the first one
and it says: 'Blame me, your predecessor for everything'.
Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and
the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and
everybody's happy.
A few month later, more...