Equal Jokes / Recent Jokes

Call.
Don't lie.
Never tape any of her body parts together.
If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules No Petting.
The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
"Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lardass," and "Bitch" are bad.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
Her cooking is excellent.
That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
Dishsoap is your friend.
Hat does more...

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine." "All generalizations are false." "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once." "I love cats... they taste just like chicken""Out of my mind. Back in five minutes." "Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle." "Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons." "Born Free.. . . . Taxed to Death""Cover me. I'm changing lanes." "As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools""Happiness is a belt-fed weapon""The more people I meet, the more I like my dog." "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot." "Conserve toilet paper, use both sides." "REHAB is for quitters""I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!""Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her more...

"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.

1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you're driving there.

3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.

4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.

5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play more...

Theorem: All positive integers are equal.Proof: Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B, A = B.Further, it is sufficient to show that for all N > 0, if A and B (positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B.Proceed by induction.If N = 1, then A and B, being positive integers, must both be 1. So A = B.Assume that the theorem is true for some value k. Take A and B with MAX(A, B) = k+1. Then MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k. And hence (A-1) = (B-1). Consequently, A = B.

Cartoon Laws of Physics
Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards more...

Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its
situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in
mid air, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this
point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are
so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize
boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called
this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation
conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of
victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so
eager to escape that more...

Jill and John got married. John thought this
would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!"Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"Determined to please Jill, the next morning he thought, "third time's a charm" and brought her two eggs -- one scrambled and one poached."Here, my love, enjoy!" Jill looks at the plate and says, "You scrambled the wrong egg."