Erection Jokes / Recent Jokes
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened more...
Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says:' 'Sir, did you call for me?''
Bob replies' 'No, what do you mean?''
She says:' 'You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me.'' Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says:' 'Sir, did you call for me?''
Bob replies' 'No, what do you mean?''
''You must be new here, it is a rule that when you more...
Sex is the most practical and funniest way of losing weight. Look how many calories you can burn:
TAKING OFF THE CLOTHES
With her agreement.............................. 12 cal
Without her agreement........................ 187 cal
TAKING OFF THE BRA
With both hands.................................. 8 cal
With one hand................................... 12 cal
With one hand being slapped.............. 37 cal
With the mouth.................................. 85 cal
PUTTING ON THE CONDOM
With erection.................................... 6 cal
Without erection............................ 315 cal
PRELIMINARIES
Trying to find the clitoris...................... 8 cal
Trying to find G spot.......................... 92 cal
Without caring at all............................ 0 cal
WHEN DOING IT
Holding her up.................................. 12 cal
Just on the floor................................. 8 more...
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" (Paul slumps back over the bar again.) "I kicked her in the face."
The Pope wakes up one morning with a huge erection. Thinking that it wasn't very Catholic, he tries to get rid of it. Unfortunately, walking around the room, thinking about Arsenal and even getting some fresh air on the balcony all fail to soften him up.
With only one option left, he sat down on the balcony and relieved himself.
Later, the Pope was walking around Rome, when a man with a camera approached him. "Hello, Mr... Pope," the man says.
"Six o'clock this morning, on the balcony, I think you know what I'm talking about." "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean," the Pope replied. "Oh, I think you do," the man retorted, "and 50 thousand will buy you the camera." Worried and confused, the Pope paid up and took the camera.
Back in the Vatican, one of the Pope's aides was asking about the camera. "A chap in town sold it to me for 50 thousand," the Pope explained. "50 thousand?" said the more...
John is in Amsterdam and visits a nudist colony there.
While wandering around naked he sopts a gorgeous blonde and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over and says "Sir, did you call for me?"
John replies: "No!"
She says "Well, it's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it means you called for me."
She then layes him down and starts making love to him.
Later that day John visits the sauna, but as he sits down he farts. A huge big hairy guy get up, drops his towel to show a huge erection and says "Sir, did you call for me?"
John replies, "No!"
The man says, "It's a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The man then knocks John to the floor and has his way with him.
As soon as he's finished John rushes back to his room, grabs all his things and heads for the exit. On his way out he's stopped by the manager he askes "Can I more...
A cowboy is riding on the plains. He comes across an Indian buck naked lying on his back with a huge erection.
Disgusted he asked "What in the hell are you doing?"
The Indian looked at the shadow of his dick and said "It's 1:00 p.m."
The cowboy rode on. Soon he ran into another Indian. He was lying on his back naked with a hugh erection. The cowboy again asked "What in the hell are you doing?"
The Indian looked at the shadow and said "It's now 2:30 p.m."
The cowboy rode on. Later he came upon third Indian. He was lying on his back buck naked whacking himself off.
The cowboy asked "Jesus Christ! What are you doing?"
The Indian replied "I'm winding my watch."