Erection Jokes / Recent Jokes

I seen a commercial on T.V for a pill that helps with ED (erectile deficency). As one of the side effects the announcer said "If you experience an erection for longer than four hours call your doctor." I thought call my doctor? If I have an erection for more than four hours I am calling Ripley's Believe it or Not!!.

Three retired old timers were sitting around comparing what they each felt was their most exciting experience.
The fireman talked about a huge fire that had occurred at a university several years back. There were flames and fire trucks from several fire departments, but he thought the most exciting part of it all had to be the naked co-eds jumping from their dorm windows into his arms. Both the other gents agreed that had to be a very exciting experience.
The sheriff told them about the terrifying excitement of a shoot-out with Bonnie and Clyde way back in his younger days. Both the other gents nodded and agreed that would have been very exciting.
The undertaker then told the other two old timers what he felt was his most exciting experience. "One evening I got a call to pick up a body that was under a sheet in a hotel room. When I arrived, the guy had a huge erection. I knew it would be impossible for me to get him through the lobby like that. So, I grabbed an old more...

Sex is the most practical and funniest (full of fun) ways of losing weight.
Look how many calories you can burn:
Taking Off The Clothes
With her agreement 12 cal
Without her agreement 187 cal
Taking Off The Bra
With both hands 8 cal
With one hand 12 cal
With one hand being slapped 37 cal
With the mouth 85 cal
Putting On The Condom
With erection 6 cal
Without erection 315 cal
Preliminaries
Trying to find the clitoris 8 cal
Trying to find G spot 92 cal
Without caring at all 0 cal
When Doing It
Holding her up 12 cal
Just on the floor 8 cal
Positions
Daddy-mummy 12 cal
69 laying 8 cal
69 standing up 112 cal
Trolley 216 cal
Italian chandelier 912 cal
Having An Orgasm
Real 112 cal
Fake 315 cal
Post Orgasm
Staying in bed 18 cal
Jumping off the bed 36 cal
Explaining why she jumped off the bed 816 cal
Getting The Second Erection
Between 16 and 19 years of age more...

Three old timers were relating their most exciting experiences.

The first, a retired sheriff, described the terrifying excitement of a shoot-out with Bonnie and Clyde back in his younger days. The other gents nodded and agreed that, indeed, would have been exciting.

The second, a retired fireman, related the tale of a huge fire at the university several years back. There were flames, fire trucks from several area fire departments, but the most exciting part were the naked coeds jumping from their dorm windows into his arms. The others gents agreed that had to be a very exciting time.

The third guy started, "I was an undertaker. One night I got a call to pick up a body that was under a sheet in a hotel room. When I got there, the guy had a huge erection. I knew there was no way I could get him through the lobby like that. So I found an old broom and whacked that erection just as hard as I could to make it go down." He paused. The retired more...

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.
She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.
The man said "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "the best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000. a month in living expenses."

An undertaker comes home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?"asks his wife.

"I had a terrible day," replies the undertaker.

"I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he
had this huge erection. Anyway, I find the room and, sure enough, there's this big, naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I did what I always do; I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."

"I see," says his wife."But how did you get the black eye?"
The undertaker replies, "Wrong room."

Contrary to popular opinion it IS NOT good for fixing everything.

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show.

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, more...