Estate Jokes / Recent Jokes

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the
piece of land he had sold was completely under water.
“That customer's going to come back here pretty mad, ” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back? ”
“Money back? ” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat. ”

'Real' Real Estate Definitions
Charming: Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."
Much Potential: Grim. Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities.
Unique City Home: Used to be a warehouse.
Hi-Tech/Contemporary: Lots of steel shelving with little holes - the kind your dad used to store tools on in the basement.
Daring Design: Still a warehouse
Completely Updated: Avocado dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting or vice versa.
Sophisticated: Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's Delight."
One-Of-A-Kind: Ugly as sin.
Brilliant Concept: Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See "Makes Dramatic Statement."
Upper Bracket: If you have to ask...
You'll Love It: No, you won't.
Must See To Believe: An more...

On a real estate agent's car: "Site-seeing bus."
On the sales lot for mobile homes: "Wheel Estate."
In a public utilities office: "We're Pleased to Meter You!"
In a TV repair shop: "Do it yourself - then call us."
In a doctor's office: "The doctor is very busy - please have your symptoms ready."
In front of a school: "In the event of an atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in this school is temporarily suspended."
In an obstetrician's office: "Pay As You Grow."
At a mechanic's shop: "Let me brake you, muffle you, and shock you."
On a campus job board: "Hotel workers wanted. Only the inn-experienced need apply."
By entrance to a maternity shop: "Clothes for the wait conscious."
In a pet shop window: "Hare ye! Hare ye! Have Easter bunnies. Hop to it!"
On a church bulletin board: "Work for the Lord. The pay isn't much, more...

What should be the official name for Bill & Hillary Clinton's New York Estate", asked Jayne Carroll, who hosts a radio talk show in the Portland, Oregon metropolitan area.

On Friday, September 10th, Carroll asked her audience to suggest an official name for the Clinton $1.7 million house in New York. Carroll's call-in contest required the names to be in relative good taste, original, and should capture the essence of the occupants.

The response was overwhelming! Here's some of the more witty:

Perjurers' Palace
Hillbilly Villa
The House of Bill's Repute
Drawers Downs
Cheatem Estates
Castle of Contempt
Sin Simeon
The House That Terrybought
The Knee Pad
The White Trash House
The Blight House
The Panderosa.
Liars' Lair
Bill & Hill's Bribe & Breakfast
The Clinton Compost
Dogpatch on the Hudson
Rancho Immoral
Deceitful Domicile
Monica's Man's Manor
The Hen more...

The Pope and a lawyer find themselves together before the Pearly Gates. After a small quantum of time which was spent discussing their respective professions, ol' St. Peter shows up to usher them to their new Heavenly station. After passing out wings, harps, halos and such, St. Pete decides to show them to their new lodgings. Only a brief flight from the welcome, Pete brings them down on the front lawn (cloud-encrusted, natch) of a huge palatial estate with all sorts of lavish trappings. This, Pete announces, is where the lawyer will be spending eternity, (at least until the end of time..) "Hot Dang", the Pope says to His-self, "If he's getting a place like this, I can hardly wait to see my digs!". They take flight once again, and as Pete leads on, the landscape below begins to appear more and more mundane until they finally land on a street lined with Brownstone houses. Pete indicates the third walkup on the left as the Popes new domicile and turns to leave, more...

The Pope and a lawyer find themselves together before the Pearly Gates.
After a small quantum of time which was spent discussing their respective professions, ol' St. Peter shows up to usher them to their new Heavenly station.
After passing out wings, harps, halos and such, St. Pete decides to show them to their new lodgings.
Only a brief flight from the welcome, Pete brings them down on the front lawn (cloud-encrusted, natch) of a huge palatial estate with all sorts of lavish trappings.
This, Pete announces, is where the lawyer will be spending eternity, (at least until the end of time..)
"Hot Dang", the Pope says to His-self, "If he's getting a place like this, I can hardly wait to see my digs!".
They take flight once again, and as Pete leads on, the landscape below begins to appear more and more mundane until they finally land on a street lined with Brownstone houses.
Pete indicates the third walkup on the left as the Popes new more...

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the
piece of land he had sold was completely under water.“That customer's going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?”“Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”