Ethnic Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day an Italian and a Pollock were fishing on opposite sides of the same river, but the Italian guy was catching all of the fish.
Eventually, the Pollock asks the Italian, "How do you get to the other side?"
The Italian guy says, "I'll turn on my flashlight and you can walk across the beam."
The Polish guy says, "Nice try... Just because I'm Polish doesn't mean that I'll fall for that. I'll get halfway across and you'll turn it off!"

A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man.
Old Man speaks; "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me McGreggor-the Fence-Builder? Nooooo!"
Then the old man gestured at the bar.
"Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me McGreggor-the Bar Builder? Nooooooo!"
Then the old man points out the window.
"Eh, Laddy, look out to sea... Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGreggor-the
Pier-Builder? Nooooo!"
Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention and says: more...

What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?
Quattro Sink-o

Two brothers, Ying and Yang, wandering down a street in America with arms full of purchases and cameras swinging from their necks, one of the brothers slips into the bank to exchange 30,000 yen into dollars.
Ying: 'I wan to change 30,000 yen for dollar, bow much I get?'
Teller: 'Oh, you will get $8000.'
Ying: ‘Fank you very much.'
Teller: 'You're welcome,' and hands Ying the $8000.
Ying and Yang carry on doing copious amounts of shopping until Yang says he is a little low on local currency.
So Ying told Yang to go to the same bank and get a good deal. So off Yang goes.
Yang: 'I wan to change 30,000 yen for dollar. Now much I get?'
Teller: 'Oh, you will get $6000. '
Yang: 'Only $6000! But how cum my broffer, just a few hour ago, get $8000?'
Teller: 'Fluctuations.'
Yang: 'Well, fluck you Yankees too!'

Q: What did the Egyptian man say to the Egyptian woman? A: "Come behind the pyramid, and I'll make you a mummy!"

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a
divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said,
"Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's."
The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?" The farmer
said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you
don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I
don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have
a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I
park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you
have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear th to church on
Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your
wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about more...

A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance.
"I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team."
"Fair enough!" said the Polak eagerly.
The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"
Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with 'T'?"
The Polak said, "Two!"
"Very good!" said the coach. And what are they?"
"Today and Tomorrow!"
"Hmm... OK," said the coach.
"How many seconds are there in a more...