Eve Jokes / Recent Jokes

What did God say after she made Eve?"Practice makes perfect."

'Twas the Night before Christmas, has lots of rhymes.
But do you think the story really fits with our times?
We don't have a chimney, our socks are in the wash.
Dreaming of sugar plums? Oh my gosh!
And what's with a kerchief? Our dad wears no cap.
He snores all night, you call that a nap?
They tell us that Santa is coming tonight.
He'll be flying in here on a sleigh, YEAH, RIGHT!
When we were much younger we believed all that stuff,
Now that we're older we know it's a bluff.
This Christmas eve is not going as we wish.
So we snuck down the stairs to turn on the dish.
All involved in the movie, we wouldn't hear a mouse.
But this clatter, meant a party at the neighbor's house.
As we sprang to our feet, to see who was out there,
We couldn't believe reindeer, no, not on a dare!
We looked at each other, and gave out a squeak.
Someone is coming, oh what a sneak.
No, it's just Dad going to the more...

One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth. "Adam, you can start by kissing Eve." Adam looks puzzled at God, "Lord, what is a kiss?". God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?" "Adam, I now want you to caress Eve." Puzzled again he asks, "Lord, what is caress?" God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?" "Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve." Puzzled yet again, "Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush. A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?"

In Italy they have no Christmas trees, instead they decorate small
wooden pyramids with fruit.

In Caracas, the capital city of Venezuela, it is customary for the
streets to be blocked off on Christmas eve so that the people can
roller-skate to church.

An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations
on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas
morning is believed to bring good luck.

It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while mixing
the Christmas pudding will come true only if the ingredients are
stirred in a clockwise direction.

A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a
pig prepared with mustard.

Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes bad
etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily printed in
red.

In Norway on Christmas Eve, all the brooms in the house are hidden more...

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!

What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
The letter “D”!

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Santa Claustrophobia!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Black mail!

Who delievers cat’s Christmas presents?
Santa Paws!

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!

Who delievers elephants’s Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus!

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down?
Stacks!

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve?
Because he’s Sooty!

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. "It’s a very handy thing" God told the couple, "and I was wondering if either one of you wanted that abilty." Adam jumped up and blurted "Oh, give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that. It seems the sort of thing a man would do. Please give me that ability. It’d be so great. When I’m working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let fly. It’d be sooo cool. I could write my name in the sand. Please, God, let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand to pee, oh please." Eve just smiled and said that if Adam really wanted that so bad that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make Adam really happy, and she didn’t mind if Adam more...

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.

"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a man, Lord?"
"Man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time.

But... he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs.

He will be witless and more...