Evening Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening. The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting. For $5. 00 I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."
The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
The old lady still says nothing but after a couple minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.
"Get serious", she replies. "Four times in the rocking chair."
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes dear, what happened?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."
Teacher:- Ramu, Can You Tell Me The Difference Between Morning And Evening?
Ramu: In The Morning Our Teachers Scold Us And In The Evening Our Parents Do That.
Sitting in the doctor's office, the frustrated fellow unburdened himself of a tale of woe. His beautiful young wife, who had been delightfully passionate before they were married, had now lost all interest in sex.
"Try giving her these," said the doctor, handing him a bottle of pills. "One each evening with dinner."
The man complied, but the first night brought no reaction. On the second evening, he gave his wife two pills, but still no reaction. On the third night, he gave her half the bottle and, in disgust, swallowed the rest himself. Soon, his wife stretched out languorously on the couch. "Oh, darling," she said, "I want a man."
"That's funny," said her husband. "So do I."
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down." Is this yours?" he asked. She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty; would you like to join me?" He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?" The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?" "No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye!"
One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. What are you doing? she asked. Im looking for my dollar bill, Max replied. I lost it down the road. Why dont you look for it there? Because the lights better here!
I spent the whole evening knotsurfing! Don't you mean netsurfing? No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!