Evening Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ed was a successful computer programmer and a happy family man. His life was blessed with a loving wife, 2 kids, three cats and a dog.

Ed loved taking Rusty the dog for his evening walk and was proud when his son, little Johnny, began asking to go along on Rusty's evening walks.

Little Johnny was an observant and curious child and one evening asked his father:' Daddy, why does Rusty always sniff that phone pole when we take him for his walk?'

Well, Ed wasn't sure how he should answer his son. How DOES one explain the way animals mark their territory to a 6-year-old? Stalling for time Ed asked:' What do you think he's doing Johnny?'

Johnny frowned in concentration, then brightened and said:' I know! I Know! He's checking his P-Mail!'

She was young, she was beautiful, she was married - and she was with her lawyers seeking a divorce. "What are the grounds?" said the lawyer. "Well, after a year of marriage, I'm still a virgin," she replied. Looking at her, the lawyer found that hard to understand. "What are the circumstances?" he asked. "Well," she said, "I'm married to an IBM salesman. He's a good provider, works hard, works late." This did not seem a promising start and the lawyer indicated accordingly. "But," she continued, "every evening when he comes home he sits at the end of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be - and then he falls asleep." "What are the grounds?" said the lawyer. "Well, after a year of marriage, I'm still a virgin," she replied. Looking at her, the lawyer found that hard to understand. "What are the circumstances?" he asked. "Well," she said, "I'm married to an IBM more...

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jeeves, the rest of the night off.
She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jeeves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jeeves," she said. "Take off my dress."
He did this carefully. "Jeeves," she continued. "Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Jeeves," she then said. "Remove my bra and panties."
As he did this, the tension continued to mount. She looked at more...

There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females. He hired a French guy who didn't speak English, but was a very good worker.

After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just about to throw away the' parts', but the sheep farmer yelled, "No! Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them. They're delicious and we call them' sheep fries'."

Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper and indeed, the' sheep fries' were tasty.

The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening they all settled down to another supper of' sheep fries'. The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired hand was.

She said, "You know, it was the weirdest thing! I told him since there weren't very many' sheep more...

One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees.' What are you doing?' she asked.' I'm looking for my dollar bill,' Max replied.' I lost it down the road.'' Why don't you look for it there?'' Because the light's better here!'

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!". The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General continued more...

Back in the Good Old Days, when Dudley Fudpucker was whooping it up in college,
he was standing at a bar one evening, when a lady of enticing appearance
approached him and suggested that they have a drink. Dudley said, "Well, I'm no
John D. Rockefeller, but I'll buy."
After developing a slight buzz, she suggested a dance. Dudley smiled and said,
"I'm no Fred Astaire, but I'll give it a whirl."
Later, she suggested that they go up to her room. "I'm no Cary Grant," replied
Dudley, "but I'll follow you up there."
They leave and go to the lady's apartment. They have another drink, then do
what had been on their minds all evening, anyway.
Afterward, the lady says, "What about some money?"
Dudley shot back, "Well, I'm no gigolo, but I'll take it!"