Everybody Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students "without passing through the minds of either".
6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy: A more...

If you think there is good in everybody,
you haven't met everybody.

Canadian Joke - Hey, we love you people up north, but, I'm sorry you'd almost have to be a Canadian to appreciate this joke. (we've been told by some Canadians that this is possibly the funniest Canuck joke yet?) Go figure?
A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar.... He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds but the Canadian just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at more...

A minister and a bus driver reached the Pearly Gates together and were assigned their quarters. The minister got a dilapidated shack in a farm meadow; the bus driver, a home in an elegant neighborhood. The pastor went to St. Peter and said: "While on earth I preached to thousands of people and tried hard to follow all the commandments. What an exemplary life the bus driver must have led!" St. Peter responded: "during your sermons, most everybody slept, but when the bus driver worked, everybody prayed."

This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.

Yo mama's like...- Yo mama's like a T. V., even a two-year-old could turn her on. - Yo mama's like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more. - Yo mama's like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded. - Yo mama's like a bubble gum machine... five cents a blow. - Yo mama's like Chinese food... sweet, sour, and cheap. - Yo mama's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece. - Yo mama's like Burger King... Your way, right away. - Yo mama's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth. - Yo mama's like 7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy. - Yo mama's like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit. - Yo mama's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen. - Yo mama's like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner. - Yo mama's like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day. - Yo mama's like a 747, more...

Often times, minorities are mistreated by the majority, which leads to civil rights abuses, discrimination, and bad jokes.
This is unfair, so minorities have developed a method of defending themselves from the majority... it goes like this:
We're picked on because we're different from everyone else.
You shouldn't pick on us because deep down, we're the same as everybody else.
But we're going to lobby for special treatment to ensure that we're different from everyone else...
And when we get it, we can tell everyone else how we are finally accepted as being "equal" to everyone else.
Unless everyone else complains about being picked on because they're different from everyone else...
In which case we'll lobby against them, because they shouldn't be treated different from everybody else, when they're really the same as everybody else.
And if someone tries to point out that that's what we did, we'll tell them to go "someplace else".