Everybody Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Vince.""Who?" asked the man."Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time."The man replied, "There are always a few clouds over everybody.""Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."replied the cabbie."He was something, huh?" asked the man."He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." added the cab driver."No wonder you remember him." remarked the more...

A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club.. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music.

Shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great. . everybody loves you. . I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play? ?

The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner. . and the trombone player says "Sure. . we'd love to. . Is it ok if we leave our stuff here? ?"

Guy walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender. Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. “Set up everybody in the place! ” he shouts. The bartender obliges.
Suddenly, a little man jumps out of the guy’s pocket, runs down the bar, and kicks all of the drinks, smokes, change, etc on the floor. He runs back and jumps back into the guy’s pocket.
The Bartender asks what’s going on. The guy just reaches back into his pants pocket, pulls out another hundred, and says “just set everybody up again. ” Bartender obliges once more, suspiciously watching the guy.
Once more the little man appears from the guy’s shirt pocket. Runs down the bar, breaks the glasses, pitches the napkins into the air, etc. Runs back and jumps into the shirt pocket again. This time the guy buttons the pocket.
Bartender says “explain yourself, or leave. ”
Guy says “Well…. I was walking down the beach one day, and ran across a bottle in the sand. more...

Everybody needs something to believe. I believe I'll have another cup of coffee!

In the land of Copper Sand there were four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody
and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody
would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that,
because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized
that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody
did what Anybody could have.
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(c) Los Angeles Times Syndicate and Creators Syndicate 1/6

Then there was the psychology professor, a Yankee's Yankee and a
feminist's feminist, who tells the following story about herself to illustrate
that doctorates don't necessarily make you smart.
She was driving to a workshop in Atlanta from her home in Ohio.
It was about 10 am, and she'd been driving the entire preceding day and night
herself, and she was consequently not in the best of tempers as she searched
for a motel in which to crash.
A Georgia state policeman pulled her over, got out of his cruiser,
swaggered up to her driver's window, bent down, and drawled, "Lookie here,
darlin',"-uh oh, everybody duck-"Lookie here, darlin', nobody blows
through Georgia that fast."
Said the feminist Yankee overtired psychology professor: "Sherman did."
She says he was not satisfied merely to give her a speeding ticket;
he made her follow him fifty miles out of her way to Nowheresburg, GA, and
wait at the more...

Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket Boy.

If I had a nickname, I think I would want it to be "Prince of Weasels", because then I could go up and bite people and they would turn around and go, "What the-?" And then they would recognize me, and go, "Oh, it's you, the Prince of Weasels."

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't more...