Everybody Jokes / Recent Jokes
G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The Good Guy Gets The Girl.
R: The Bad Guy Gets The Girl.
X: Everybody Gets The Girl.
XXX: Everybody gets the girl, her mother, and their cock-er spaniel.
Q: What's one thing everybody sees in a blonde? A: A dick.
Morris walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Dave."
"Who?"
"Dave Aronson. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave."
"There are always a few clouds over everybody," says Morris.
"Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."
"He was something, huh?"
"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and I black out the whole neighborhood."
"No wonder you remember him."
"Well, I never actually met Dave."
"Then how do you know more...
Everybody has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Everybody wants to live forever, but nobody wants to grow old.
Once upon a time, there were four people named Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.
Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did.
When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody was certain that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that Nobody would do it.
Consequently, Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done in the first place.