Everybody Jokes / Recent Jokes

A girl walked over to her neighbor's for her morning chat session. When she got there, her neighbor remarked how tired she looked. "Yeah" she said, "I didn't sleep well last night, I had this really strange dream." "Do tell" said her neighbor, pouring the coffee. "Well, I dreamed I woke up and went downstairs as usual, but when I looked in the mirror my face had turned orange, and my hair was sticking straight up out of my head and was green!" "Sounds like you turned into a punk rocker or something" the neighbor said, with a grin. "No" she said, "It wasn't like that. It was as if I knew something was wrong, but it seemed normal somehow, you know what I mean?" "Sure" said the neighbor, "Everybody's had dreams like that." "Well anyway" she continued, "I decided to go down and get the mail, because even in my dream, I figured I must be dreaming, so what the heck if I was orange, you more...

Yo mama's like...

- Yo mama's like a T. V., even a two-year-old could turn her on. - Yo mama's like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more. - Yo mama's like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded. - Yo mama's like a bubble gum machine... five cents a blow. - Yo mama's like Chinese food... sweet, sour, and cheap. - Yo mama's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece. - Yo mama's like Burger King... Your way, right away. - Yo mama's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth. - Yo mama's like 7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy. - Yo mama's like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit. - Yo mama's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen. - Yo mama's like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner. - Yo mama's like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day. - Yo mama's more...

Who is it that everybody listens to but nobody believes? The weatherman.

(Told over the holidays by my Lutheran mother-in-law.)
A recently demised fellow was being given a tour of Heaven. St. Peter
explained that Heaven not only had room enough for everybody, there were
rooms for everybody.
He opened the first door, explaining, ''This is the Catholic room,'' and
inside the new arrival could see a large group of people kneeling and
saying Hail Mary.
The next room was a noisy one-shouts of ''Amen!'' and ''Hallelujah!''
could be heard through the door. ''The Baptist room,'' explained Peter.
The third room was silent, filled with contemplative souls.
''Presbyterians,'' Peter said.
When they came to the fourth room, Peter stopped the newcomer. ''Shh!''
he said. ''Be very quiet. These are the Lutherans, and they don't think
anybody else is here.''

Asian women have always been exotic. Two guys were arguing about the correct orientation of Japanese women's sex organs. One said that Japanese women have their going from side to side, while the other said it goes vertical, just like everybody else. The argument went on for hours until they decided to settle it once and for all by going to another friend who has a Japanese wife. Surely, he should know! After being told of the subject of the argument, the friend quickly said: "Vertical, just like everybody else", and I'll prove it! Although suspecting that the duo would just feast their eyes on his wife's pussy, he called his wife anyway and she appeared from the second floor bedroom. "Honey, take off your panties and slide down the banister" Like a good obedient wife, she obliged and mounted the banister. On the way down there was a long screeeeeech, and she landed on the floor. See? Didn't I tell you guys that its vertical, just like everybody else? The two more...

The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said, "What's the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?""My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow."

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.

What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.

Jewish dilemma:
Free PORK.

The three words most hated by men during sex:
"Are you in?"

The three words women hate to hear when having sex:
"Honey, I'm home!"

Why do men take showers instead of baths?
Pissing in the more...