Everywhere Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Russian man loses his pet parrot. He looks everywhere, all around the
neighbourhood, in the park, everywhere. He just can't find the parrot.
Finally, he goes around to the local KGB office, and tells the desk officer
his problem.
The desk officer is a little puzzled. "Look comrade, I'm sorry you lost
your pet, but this is the KGB. We don't handle missing animal reports."
"Oh, I know that," says the man. "I just wanted you to know, if you do
happen to find my parrot-I don't know where he could have picked up his
political ideas."

God thought that since he couldn’t b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn’t be everywhere he made a mother-in-law.

Pappu blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother, Jeeto, tells him to stop it as he`s liable to break something.
He continues. "Pappu!" Jeeto screams. "Knock it off. You`re going to break something."
He stops and eventually she leaves for a short trip to the store. Pappu starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet.
Jeeto comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.
When she`s finished she looks down and can`t believe what she`s seeing. Diarrhea everywhere! She`s not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor.
The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he`ll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a more...

Santa went to a doctor and said,' Doctor, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts.'
The doctor asked Santa to touch his elbow. Santa touched his elbow and winced in genuine pain. The doctor was surprised and asked Santa to touch his head. Santa touched his head and jumped in agony. The doctor asked him to touch his knee and the same thing happened. Everywhere Santa touched, it hurt like hell.
The doctor was stumped and ordered a complete examination with X-rays, etc., and told Santa to come back after two days.
Santa came back two days later and the doctor said,' We've found your problem.'
'Oh yes? What is it?' asked Santa.
'You have broken your finger!' replied the doctor.

December 14, 2003Dearest Dave, I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised or pleased darling! With truly the deepest love, AgnesDecember 15, 2003Dearest Dave, Today the postman brought me yet another of your sweet gifts. The two turtule doves that arrived today are adorable, and I'm delighted by your thoughtful and generous ways. With all of my love, Your AgnesDecember 16, 2003Dearest Dave, You've truly been too kind! I must protest; I don't deserve such generosity. The thought of getting three French hens amazes me. Yet, I am not surprised--what more should I expect from such a nice person. Love, AgnesDecember 17, 2003Dear Dave, Four calling birds arrived in the mail today. They are truly nice but don't you think that enough is enough? You are being too romantic. Affectionately, AgnesDecember 18, 2003Dearest darling Dave, It was a surprise to get five golden rings! I now have one for more...

Follow them everywhere.
Moo when they say your name.
Pretend to have amnesia.
Say everything backwards.
Give yourself a swirly.
Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "The sun!!! It's dying!!!"
Run into walls.
Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house in your underwear (or naked for that matter).
Have nervous breakdowns at spontaneous times.
Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
Pretend to worship the devil.
Stand over them at 4 in the morning with a HUGE grin on your face and yell, "Good morning sunshine!!!"
Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.
Run in circles.
Recite a whole movie 3 times.
Pretend to beat yourself up.
Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA!!!"
Slither everywhere.
Wear a sticker that says, "i'm a retard!!!"
Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a more...

A man staggers into the Doctor's surgery and gasps: "Doctor, help me! Everywhere I look I see talking mice, talking dogs, and even a talking duck! What's wrong with me?"
Doctor says reassuringly: "Don't worry, you're just having Disney spells..."