Everywhere Jokes / Recent Jokes

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesnt know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

Murphy's Laws Of Parenting... A child will not spill on a dirty floor. A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first, the chicken or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster. A young child is a noise with dirt on it. A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. Celibacy is not hereditary. Familiarity breeds children. For adult education, nothing beats children. God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once and God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once. Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. Having children will turn you into your parents. If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment. If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable. Ill-bred children always display their pest manners. Insanity is inherited; more...

A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car." Father replies,: "O. K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see." Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?" Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair." Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair." Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."

Murphy's Laws Of Parenting...
A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first, the chicken or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster.
A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Familiarity breeds children.
For adult education, nothing beats children.
God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once and God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.
Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
Having children will turn you into your parents.
If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Ill-bred children more...

What is a cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. They whine when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats. What is a dog? Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They are great at begging. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. more...

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

AL GORE: I invented that chicken. I raised chickens on the family farm. With my own two hands I fed them, I watered them, I shoveled after them. Until I draw my last breath, I will not rest until every chicken is safe to cross the road. My opponent's chicken policy is a risky scheme that will endanger social security.

GEORGE W: I think my record in Texas shows my concern for chickens crossing the road everywhere. My policies will ensure that no chicken will be left behind. Additionally, they will have the right to invest their egg money in ways that will ensure they have a retirement that will provide for them.

HILLARY CLINTON: It takes a village to raise a chicken. I've been all over New York State listening to chickens everywhere. I've been a fan of New York chickens my whole life.

JOHNNY COCHRAN: You think you saw that chicken cross the road? But what's the real story? The L.A.P.D. made it LOOK like that chicken crossed the road. That Mark Furman more...