Evidence Jokes / Recent Jokes

The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened. He said that he had new evidence that made a huge difference in his defence. "What new evidence could you have?" said the judge. The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra £10, 000, and I just found out about it!"

In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: magic and lies.

Every pickle you eat brings you nearer to death.
Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the term, "in a pickle." Although leading horticulturists have long known that Cucmis sativus possesses an indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry continues to expand.
Pickles are associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten pickles. The effects are obviously cumulative:
99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.
96.9 % of all Communist sympathizers have eaten pickles.
99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within 6 months preceding the accident.
93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where pickles were served frequently.
Evidence points to the long-term effects of pickle eating: Of all the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% more...

Military tribunals
Since the Bush administration hasn't yet figured out the details of its proposed "military tribunals", I thought I'd offer a suggestion.
Basically, we have three constraints to meet: The trials must not be hampered by the US constitution: they are to be secret, with the ability to withhold evidence from the accused, use hearsay and circumstantial evidence, and impose the death penalty with a majority vote.
They need to be supervised by an institution with extensive experience in managing key elements of United States infrastructure.
Since we're in a recession now, they need to be cheap. I say we take a page from U. S. manufacturers and outsource them to China. from

A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches.""What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer."Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.

Lawyer: “Judge, I wish to appeal my client? s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence. ”
Judge: “And what is the nature of the new evidence? ”
Lawyer: “Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left. ”

When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.