Evidence Jokes / Recent Jokes
The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge''s chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client''s defense."
The judge asked, "What new evidence could you have?"
The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $10, 000, and 1 just found out about it!"
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.
The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches."
"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer.
"Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.
There is no evidence to support the notion that life is serious.
A farmer was called to serve on jury duty. During the questioning of prospective jurers the prosecuting attorney asked the farmer if he could convict someone on circumstantial evidence.
The farmer responded, "No way in hell could I do that!!"
The attornery asked why he was so adamant in his answer. He replied that he once had a very bad experience with circumstantial evidence. The attorney asked him to explain.
"Well sir," the farmer began, "I was out in the barn milking ole' Bessie one hot day and as I was milking her she kicked over the milk pail with her right front foot. The milk soaked my overalls and underwear, so I took them off, rinsed them out in the water trough and hung them out to dry.
"Then, I got a piece of rope and tied her right foot to the floor. I sat back down and starting milking again and the silly cow kicked over the pail with her left front foot. So I tied that one down to the floor as well. She then proceeded to more...
Further evidence that if you try to make something' Idiot Proof,' the universe will invent better idiots.... Herewith, some [more] evidence that the gene pool may need a little chlorine: ----------
Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
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I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. --------
Warning!
At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card / bank card readers at the checkout stands. If you don't more...
A Night Before Christmas Parody (Technical Version)'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Musmusculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas. The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion more...