Evil Jokes / Recent Jokes

A priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.

Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"

The dying man said nothing.

The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!"

Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord...

1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of more...

A witch joke
What is evil, ugly and keep the neighbours awake?
A witch with a drum kit!

A witch joke
What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch?
A witch in soggy shoes!

A witch joke
What do you call a witch that flies in Concorde?
Lucky!

A witch joke
What do you call two witches who share a broom sticks?
Broom mates!

A witch joke
What does a witch turn when the lights go out?
The dark!

A witch joke
What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?
To keep their hats pointed!

A witch joke
What is evil and ugly, puts spells on people and is made of leaves?
A witch (The leaves were just a plant)!

See no evil, hear no evil, and date no evil.

Given m = money, e = evil, t = time and w = women, prove that women are evil (women = evil)
1. m = e ^ (1/2) (money is the root of all evil)
2. t = m (time is money)
3. w = t * m (women are the product of time and money)
4. w = m ^ 2 (substitution)
5. w = {e ^ (1/2)} ^ 2 (substitution)
6. w = e
Proven by mathematics - women are evil.

One day, Little Rabbit FooFoo was hopping through the forest, snatching all the mice, and bashing in their heads.A good fairy appeared. "Little Rabbit FooFoo, what you're doing is evil! Stop it, or Mother Nature will turn you into something gooney!" she said.Little Rabbit FooFoo just laughed and laughed.The next day, Little Rabbit FooFoo was again hopping through the forest, snatching all the mice, and bashing in their heads.Again, the good fairy appeared. "Little Rabbit FooFoo, I told you that's evil! Stop it, or Mother Nature will turn you into something gooney!" she said.Again, Little Rabbit FooFoo just laughed and laughed.The next day, Little Rabbit FooFoo was still hopping through the forest, snatching all the mice, and bashing in their heads.Mother Nature appeared, and, shazam! Little Rabbit FooFoo was turned into an ugly goon, never to terrorize mice again.The moral?Hare today, goon tomorrow...

An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!." There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay. .... NOW you're screwed."