Evil Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians.
Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.
The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this more...

Okay, Here is what a boy said:
We can agree that A girlfriend is a product of time
and money right?
Girlfriend = Time * Money
Your girlfriend is a woman!
Girfriend = Woman
Woman = Time * Money
We all know that time is money...
time = money
woman = money * money
woman = (money)^2
We also know that money is the root of all evil,
correct?
money = sqrt(evil)
woman = [sqrt(evil)]^2
Hence,
woman = evil
WOMEN ARE EVIL!!!

Girls = time * money time = money, therefore: Girls = money * money (*) But we know that money is a root of all evil, thus: money = sqrt(evil) Taking into account (*), we have: Girls = sqrt(evil)*sqrt(evil) And finally: Girls = evil Thus, Girls are the absolute evil!

"Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming." I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All more...

1. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
2. A hard-on does not count as personal growth.
3. This isn't an office. Its Hell with fluorescent lighting.
4. Do I look like a fucking people person?
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
7. If I want to hear the patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
8. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
9. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
10. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
11. What ever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
12. I am doing my best to imagine you with a personality.
13. Okay, okay I take it back. UnFuck you!
14. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
15. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
16. And which dwarf are you?
17. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
18. It's not the size that counts, it's the. .. no, it is the size.
19. Well today was a waste more...

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where the patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 a. m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural.
Why the death? So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.
So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a. m., all the doctors and the nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil........ Just when the clock struck 11,....
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1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. Do I look like a people person?
6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
7. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
8. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
9. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
10. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
11. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
12. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
13. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
14. And just how may I screw you over today?
15. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
16. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
17. Allow me to introduce my selves.
18. Sarcasm is just one more service we more...