Evil Jokes / Recent Jokes

A wicked Chicago man died and went to the place all wicked people go. The Devil decided to shove him in a room and cranked the heat and humidity up.The man smiled. When the Evil One asked why the man was smiling he said: "Just like Chicago in Spring"So the Most Evil One cranked up the heat and humidity more. The man removed his coat, smiled, and said:"Just like Chicago in Summer"This time the Destroyer of Beauty cranked the heat and humidity to maximum.The man removed his shirt and tie and said"Just like Chicago in August"The Devil then got an idea. He shut off the heat and turned on the air conditioning. The room froze in seconds. Ice was everywhere. Polar bears hid in dens because it was so cold. Satan, confident he had finally won, peaked in the man's room only to find the man cheering and partying frantically...."The Cubs won the World Series...The Cubs won the World Series..."

President Bush: If I knew there really was not any nuclear weapons in North Korea, and we could kick their ass and if they had something that would have made me and my friends very, very, rich like diamonds, oil, gold I would send the troops in like we were saving the world from Evil. But, since North Korea has a real nuke, and the leader is really evil and crazy and a real threat to the world. Screw it. We are not going.

The recent arrest of John Mark Karr seems the obvious choice to those of us in the know. I mean, the man has the same name as the evil trans-am in Knight Rider. Of course he did it. He's evil.

1. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be...? 2. Do I look like a people person? 3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 7. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 8. You!... Off my planet! 9. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats. 10. Does your train of thought have a caboose? 11. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 12. A PBS mind in an MTV world. 13. Allow me to introduce my selves. 14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 15. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them. 16. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 17. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. 18. I have a computer, a remote control, and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? 19. Not all men [women] are annoying. Some are dead. 20. Did I mention more...

Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.

By Andrew Marlatt
Sunday, February 10, 2002; Page B05
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China and Syria today announced they had formed the Axis of Just as Evil, which they said would be "way eviler" than the Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name.
"Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean President Kim Jong Il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils....I mean the best at being evil....We're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. more...

The priest was preparing a man for his long days journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the Devil! Let him knowhow little you think of his evil!"The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?"The dying man said, "Until I know where Im heading, I dont think Iought to aggravate anybody!"