Evil Jokes / Recent Jokes
How To Be A Cultist:
Recently, the Society For Evil Overlords has noticed a regrettable
decline in the availability and quality of fanatical henchmen, evil
priests, and willing sacrificial victims. We wish to correct this
growing problem by submitting the following general guidelines for
Cultists.
1. Pick one faith and stay with it. Dilettantism is the mark of
the amateur.
2. Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct
pronunciation of your deity+s name in the privacy of your own room
before chanting it in public. Flash cards are often helpful.
3. Never invoke anything bigger than your head.
4. Avoid all cabalistic jewelry over ten pounds in weight+ it
attracts unwelcome attention from tourists, policemen, various
supernatural creatures, and can be downright dangerous during
thunderstorms.
5. Citronella candles may not be used in rituals. I cannot stress
this more...
The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the Devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!"
The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the Devil! Let him knowhow little you think of his evil!"The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?"The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think Iought to aggravate anybody!"
A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into the night.Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil."The dying man said nothing.The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
If you liked the Hunchback, you'll love these Disney versions...
The Inferno by Dante Aligheri
The poet Dante (the voice of Bruce Willis) is led by his friend
Virgil (the voice of Anthony Quinn) on a magical trip
underground to the land of "Heck." Among the delightful
creatures they visit are the lovebirds Paolo and Francesca (the
voices of Andrew Dice Clay and Rosie O'Donnell), the Crying
Trees (the band Nirvana), and the Five Singing Little Devils
(the Jacksons).
Animal Farm by George Orwell
Pigs, chickens, horses - all the familiar barnyard crowd - are
the heroes of this charming celebration of teamwork and
diversity. The poor animals, having suffered for years on a
failing farm under the tyranny of the cruel farmer Jones (Robert
Goulet), are suddenly liberated when Jones trips and falls down
a well. Though things are chaotic at first, the kindly young pigs
Snowball (Michael J. Fox) and Napoleon (Eddie more...
1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
2. Do I look like a people person?
3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
5. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
6. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
7. You!... Off my planet!
8. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
9. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
10. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
11. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
12. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
13. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
14. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
15. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
16. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
17. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen more...
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Well, aren't we just a ray of f***ing sunshine?
Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth?
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
This isn't an office; it's hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me.
Therapy is expensive; popping bubble-wrap is cheap. You choose.
I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
And your crybaby, whiny-arsed opinion would be...?
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Allow me to introduce myselves.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Better living through denial.
Whatever more...