Exam Jokes / Recent Jokes
UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM
SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
(Time Limit: 3 Weeks)
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient
Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature,
law and social conditions
-OR-
give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (please check
only one answer)
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is
0. 0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is
on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given?
(approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north
called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- more...
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, Class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
The story around Harvard was that there was a graduate math course whose final always consisted of, "Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and answer it. You will be graded on both parts."
Then one year, a student answered as follows: The exam is: "Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and answer it. You will be graded on both parts."
The answer is: "Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and answer it. You will be graded on both parts."
His reasoning was that since that was the best exam the professor could write, it certainly ought to be good enough for a student. He got an A. The professor specifically prohibited that answer from then on.
The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him. The referee will always be looking the other way when you score. You will have trouble with the ties on your gi pants when members of the opposite sex are in class. The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick. The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques. If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer. After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat. After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam. (Ask Mr. Hurst about a similar experience!) In an otherwise vacant locker toom, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours. No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom more...
Should you have any questions during the exam, just raise your hand. This should cause enoughblood to flow to your brain to answer it yourself.
34-year-old country music singer Gretchen Wilson, who dropped out of high school in ninth grade, passed her G.E.D. exam in April, telling reporters that she doesn't want her 7-year-old daughter "to think you can be this successful without an education." Having now passed the G.E.D. exam, her next step is to get an education.