Example Jokes / Recent Jokes
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
There were these two college students who needed one more class to graduate. Tom was going over to the college to register and Bob said "register me for the easiest class you can find, something like underwater basket weaving...". Tom goes over to the college and is reading the class guide when one of the advisors comes up to him and asks if he can help. Tom explains the situation and the advisor suggests that the two young men take a class called "Relative Theory". Tom says "I don't know, that sounds pretty hard, we were looking for something really easy". The advisor replies "Well son, let me give you an example... Lets say you asked the question do you have a lawn mower? And the person answers yes, you could assume that this person probably has grass and if they have grass then they probably live in a house or condo - right?" Tom says "Yes, that makes since". Then the advisor says "If they live in a house or condo, you could more...
Former President Bill Clinton is visiting an elementary school and he visits one of the classes (4th grade I believe). They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr. Clinton if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."
One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says Clinton, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. searches the room. "Isn't there more...
By the way, for we people (from India) who were born and brought up in the wrong side of the world, doing things in the wrong way has become a way of life.
For example, In India we drive on the wrong side of the road. Even the cars we produce or drive have steering wheels on the wrong side. We pronounce' Z' as "Jed" instead of "Zee". We meekly accepted MKS (Meter, Kilogram, Second) system like the rest of the world while America proudly stuck to the FPS system. We use Lakhs & Crores while they use millions & billions. We dumbly use Celsius while they use Fahrenheit (Cool!). We play football only using foot. (How restricting! We lack imagination...) In restaurants we ask for a bill and pay it with a cheque unlike here where they ask for check and pay it with a bill (Dollar bill). I never realised' #' was the right symbol for pound instead of a L with a slash until I came here. (How stupid of me...) While they zoomed past with their cars filled with gallons of more...
The President was visiting a grade school the other day and sat in on an English class. To participate in the class, he asked for someone to give him an example of a tragedy.
A little girl named Peggy held up her hand timidly and said,' If my friend was walking across the street and a car ran over her... well, that would be a tragedy!'
'Well, thank you for trying,' The Prez said.' That would be what we would call an accident, but not a tragedy. Can anybody else give me an example?'
A little boy named Timmy said,' If the school bus was full of kids and a truck hit it and killed all the kids that would be a tragedy.'
'Well, that would be what we call a great loss, but it doesn't quite make the tragic category,' the President replied.
About his time little Johnny held up his hand.' Oh. Oh. I know, I know...' Johnny started.' If you and the Vice President and all the senators and all the congressmen were having a meeting, and a bomb more...
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it more...
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be
administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations. In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter. There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was more...